I just want to say thank you to everybody who cared and replied to my posts, when I was so deep in depression. Even when I read other threads, I can see that the forum consists of supportive, level-headed people who are always ready to help. It's been 13 years since my Bipolar diagnosis. I've been through meds and therapists and psychiatrists for the whole part. My husband and I now want children, but I am sooo scared I'll pass on this mental affliction to him/her. Lately I have been struggling with stabbing pain in my chest, nausea, weakness and fatigue. I had to go for a bunch of tests at the hospital today and everything came back normal. I'm fed-up. I'm not imagining it and I'm tired of all the tests. I do want to get past this. I just don't have the energy. I was sitting in the dressing bay waiting for one of the tests to begin and found myself praying earnestly that they will find an aggressive cancer that will take me to heaven fast. I don't have the guts to kill myself, but if it were something natural...my policies will pay out and my husband will be set for life. He worries about me so much when I admit to him that I'm not fine. I know we all sit on different places in the world, tonight I really wish to change my attitude towards life and remind myself that it is not my time. I'm so sorry to bug you guys. Thanks so much for a forum like this.