I want to thank everyone I chatted with yesterday and overnight and today. You are all very kind, and I wish I could hug each one of you. I came here trying to find the courage to continue, and my failing is no reflection on this site's members. <mod edit - timeline> Honestly, my only fear is that it won't work again. I do think it's an easy way out, but in my case it's also the only way out. I can't go on any longer.