thank you

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by as if it matters, Apr 22, 2007.

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  1. thanks for letting me know that you want me dead.

    i'll be sure not to disappoint you for much longer.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I most certainly do not wish to see you dead. I would much rather have you feel like you can go on. Please do what you can to remain safe. :hug:
     
  3. it was a lot easier when i had some of the people here for support. it's hard to cope with being so hated that you would rather expel me to face it all alone.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't hate you at all. What has happened lately?
     
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    what is going on? :sad:

    Talk to us :hug:

    I wouldn't want to see you dead either.
     
  6. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    I don't hate you. What is wrong? If you want to talk I'm here.
     
  7. OK. So because despite that fact that some of you had been so unfairly cruel to me, and yes I had acted up tho that isn't why I was banned. But anyway I really felt the need for support and I didn't know where else to go, so I created another account here, I subverted the normal method of detection of dual accounts, but I really couldn't be bothered to go through a proxy everytime, especially as most of them don't transmit images. So I couldn't really do anything about my static IP, I was either caught from that, or someone I trusted gave me up.

    Anyway under my new account which I had for more than a week, I never once broke the rules or did anything to attract undue attention to myself. I vented a little, and tried to help people where I could.

    Either I was caught immediately and for some reason they let me stay for a while, in which case why was I banned again (as i'd behaved). Or I wasn't caught until now, and despite the fact that I've done nothing to hurt anyone else, Whoever banned me decided they cared more about the "rules" than about a deeply suicidal person in desperate need for support.

    Dollars to Donuts I know who it was as well, someone who has a grudge against me for no reason other than the opinion of a certain other member of the forum, who would happily see me dead.

    All this politics is really too much for me but then everything else is too, All I know is that for whatever reason, killing my second account was nothing but petty.

    And the only reason it is a "duplicate" account is because they didn't, as requested, delete my old account. So that's hardly my fault.

    it's not like I was using a sock puppet.

    I had hoped that in time people would just gradually figure out who I was and wouldn't care.


    Oh and another interesting piece of information, at least 2 of the mods here, ones who I consider to be my friends, didn't even know that I'd been banned in the first place! So don't go thinking that these decisions are voted on or anything like that.
     
  8. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Having your second account banned has nothing to do with the number of accounts you own, however, it has everything to do with the fact that you was banned in the first place. I gave you ample warning of the consequences of your actions, clear boundaries were set in an msn conversation, yet practically your next post broke those boundaries.

    I will allow you to post here in the UP forum for now while we discuss your position as a banned member in the staff room, I make no guarantees though. If your posts in the UP forum go back to how you was before you was banned, you will be IP banned for life.

    I'm giving you a tentative 2nd chance, don't use this chance to leave me with egg on my face again.
     
  9. Oh don't act so god like robin. I was already obeying the rules. if you hadn't noticed.

    I am sick the the back teeth of this entire fucking planet. I have to end up dead sooner or later there is no way I can continue to put up with this kind of shit.

    And will this be like the last discussion in the staffroom which resulted in at least 2 staff never even knowing about it? 2 mods who have resigned in the past month, are 2 who actually liked me, I doubt you'll see resounding support. Especially not while the influence of 1 certain person remains.
     
  10. Robin

    Robin Guest

    No mods have resigned so far and as far as I am aware everyone knew of your ban, even the chat monitors, who aren't strictly staff. I see you find it impossible to make an apology for your behaviour and worse fail to see how anti social your behaviour really was. As promised I have posted in the staff room requesting that we move you to a temporary ban but it seems you are intent on the egg on my face path.
     
  11. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    All such decisions are decided upon by the staff who care to post an opinion in the staff room. Any staff that were not aware (and I can't imagine that there were any) the only way staff could not have known was if they had not gone into the staff room and read the posts.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2007
  12. Jenny and Ari have both stepped down. And (I thought at least) I was friends with both of them.

    Ari told me yesterday that she was unaware that I had ever been banned, as did Moonstar.

    I am not anti social, but I don't appreciate being talked down to.

    And since you only found out 3/4 of the story surround my banning, when I told you about it myself, I hardly think you are in a position to judge anything. And frankly my explanation should have been enough for you to realise what happened to me was unjust, but of course, i'm not one of the favourites am i?

    So, who exactly would you like me to apologise to and for what exactly?

    And until i was provoked, I was happily obeying the rules, not causing a fuss, who is it who can't help but poke at me? And why exactly should I roll on my back and beg for more?
     
  13. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Jenny is now a Senior Admin, Ari is now an SF Friend and still very much has a voice in the staff room. As for talking down to someone, I'm currently your only supporter.
     
  14. super. it's great to feel so loved.

    just don't bother seriously. it's better that i just loose as much as possible as quickly as possible. I have to stop letting myself have these stupid little excuses for staying alive. I clearly wasn't meant to be in this world. it hates me and wants rid of me. Any other member here says that and will get a dozen responses from people who say "i don't hate you" but not me. People don't dare agree out loud, but they know it in their hearts. they just want me gone. Even people who barely know me, sense immediately that the world would be better without me.

    The only curse a suffer from, is this animal instinct for survival.
     
  15. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I don't want you dead :sad: :sad: :sad:

    Like I said, I don't agree with your ... aggressiveness.. towards staff, but I dn't want you dead. I dont wanna lose my brother :cry:
     
  16. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I do not hate you. I have stated this before and will as many times as it takes for you to see that. I remember speaking with you when you first joined SF and things were so rough. You have done questionable things since that time and yes, many people were hurt by some of these things. Even then, I realized you were hurting deeply and I found no hate for you. I did not agree with some of the choices you made. I guess it is safe to say I did not like your behaviour. But that is two separate things. I believe you have so many good qualities that could be shared with others if the negative things and agression did not get in the way. I am sorry that things did not work out for you the way you had hoped they would. We make choices in this life and then have to accept the consequences of our actions. You probably don't like my reply to your post and I apologize if I offend you in any way. I do wish to see you safe. Please take care. You do matter.
     
  17. I'd be curious as to what things i've done that you disapprove of so much. I know I haven't always conducted myself as well as I could have, but I don't think personally that I done anything particularly terrible. I know some of my ideas are controversial but that in itself doesn't make it bad.

    Still the consensus is clear. I'm not wanted. I know I behave aggressively when I'm attacked or challenged, i'm actually taking drugs to try and help that, they should in time make me calmer and more passive but it's a fairly slow process.

    When the whole world hates you in can be hard not to hate it back.

    i miss being able to actually chat with people. talking this way is so very drawn out.
     
  18. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I never said you were particularly terrible and yes differences of opinion will always be around. Controversy in itself is not a bad thing, it is the way it is handled. The point of this, for me anyway, was not whether I approved or disapproved of anything. It was simply to let you know that not everyone hates you. I hope the meds do help to calm your aggression when you feel challenged. It is probably as hard for you as anyone. I guess we must all have patience while you wait to see if they do work.
     
  19. Still your opinion on how I conducted myself so badly as to set half the forum against me, and how I should try to revise my behaviour, would be appreciated. (Perhaps not posted publicly)

    Any news btw? anyone actually express an opinion on me as of yet?
     
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