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Thank you

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To those of you who have taken advantage of me and let me believe you were my friends, it is so good to realize once again that I was being F'ed over.

To those in my life who decided I was good for abuse, it was special.

Not once, not twice... somehow it sounds like a song, but thank you for being there for me in those special ways. What a lucky girl I am.

To myself for letting so many people down, I never fail my own expectations, which is good.

To myself for clearly being unable to handle living right now. What a success.

To myself for failing, miserably through all of this stuff recently.

Now - what to do? what to do? what to do?
TE - thank you, but you don't have to placate me by answering. Even though I asked for help. Theres just a little too much going on.

I think the best thing is to go back to cutting for right now to stop the pain, the thoughts and some alcohol to help numb and maybe some pills for good measure to make sure I'm out of it.

Stupid? Yes.

A choice? Not right now.

Sorry - this may have come across as a little rude TE - so I apologize.
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total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
YOu don't need to harm yourself hun to get rid of that pain Hell no okay you just scream you yell you let the dam tears fall. Please hun put the stuff away and just go and sit in a warm tub and cry okay let the pain out in a better way please don't harm you

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I hope you reached out hun called crisis line and got some help for you People care hun they do okay so please call for help hugs


Well-Known Member
I realize I'm only a newb, but is there anything I can do help? One of your posts gave me a really good way of looking at my own situation, and its helped me daily for over two weeks.

You see, I don't believe I deserve better.

As they say - if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

There is always more to one's life story than that which is originally portrayed by the teller. Nothing is ever black and white. I asked, in a round about way, for certain things to happen, to occur. I created an environment for them to escalate and exist. Victim - me? Nope - just a very manipulative human.

So what I got is what I should have expected, it was and is deserving, all of it.

So no tears for me, no compassion is necessary. It is wasted on me.

Pure & simple.

Again, I wish I had the courage tonight. Selfish? Absolutely.
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