today....well now its yesterday was a shitty day...woke up late and was an hour late for work at the barn i was so fricking pissed off. then fell trying to walk down the ramp to the lower half of the barn (which was wet from the rain) and popped my shoulder out (which i had to pop back in myself) then walked around all day exhausted and ready to collapse. Then got yelled at for being late getting home (it would have been better just to have grammie hit me then go thru that kind of verbal abuse) then twisted my ankle again (which is really killing me now and i dunno why), back still hurts from getting hit by Frosty (saddlebred horse). Tried not to cry thinking about my baby boy and whats gonna happen if the "descion" ever had to be made. Then tonight my mama visited my friend who is a medium...maybe this seems crazy to all of u but its not crazy to me...i miss my mama with all my heart....but seeing that mom knows all that happening i feel more guilty than anything else...and then i feel more guilty cuz the woman who helps me, she doesnt know everything....there are some things i left out and i know its gonna hurt her if i told the truth but if i dont tell teh truth its gonna kill me inside but its killing me already.... i know i dont talk much when i come here i just sit in a room alone...but that doesnt mean i dont feel. I feel more than i am willing to let go of because i would rather take everyone pain away or at least help then acknoldge that im having issues. i know thats wrong and not good and bothers other people but it is how i was raised. the only reason i am venting here is because i was ignored when i asked if i could pm/talk to someone in chat. i needed to let it out but couldnt in front of everyone...i just love how people say "u can pm anytime, im here for u" and then they are not.