thanks for protecting me

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by zoebaby, Dec 17, 2007.

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  1. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    i was on the streets when i was 14, noone wanted to be bothered with me, my father owns a business he now has 200 employees, has never called me in his life to see how i am, anyway one of my mothers friends molested me and then passed me on to his friend , i just wanted someone to love me, still searching, then i had to sell myself just to survive so young on my own, my family says everything is all my fault, as i recall i remember calling my father asking him to please let me live with him, but he couldnt do it because his wife didnt want to be bothered with another child, it burns me up to think that i was on the streets like that and him and his wife and three daughters were living so nicely with a pool in the backyard in a surburban neighborhood while im trying desperatly to find someone to care, willing to do anything to get someone to care and he can just go on with his life knowing his 14 year old is on the streets, i met him when i was 10 and he has been a dissapointment every since so many times i would call him for help when i was growing up and his wife would tell me he wasnt there or he was sleeping, finally she told me to get my own life and leave them alone, how can this world be so cruel,i only wanted someone to love .
     
  2. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    :hug: I hear you. You've been let down and betrayed badly by the people who are supposed to protect and love you and you've gone through so much at such a young age. I don't know why some parents are like your dad, the world is cruel. People like your parents and your dad's wife have serious issues going on, and when I read your post I'm glad you don't blame yourself and your resentment is aimed at your dad because that's where it belongs.
     
  3. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, Zoe, it is his loss. He should be ashamed of himself and I bet he is.

    You are a sweet person; I can tell that. I kept searching for someone to love me too, so I can relate to that. Hugs!
     
  4. xinfectious

    xinfectious Member

    i understand you so much, and i just want you to know that you are not alone.
    i had to go through this with my mother. she left, packed her shit and i swear i never saw her again. then, after that all i wanted to d was find a mother in my psychobitch stepmother. all i tried to do was please her. and it led me into a world of hell.

    you dont deserve that.
    none of us do.
    :hug:
     
  5. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    You know, Im 38 years old now, but the little girl in me is still hurt, Im trying to heal that little girl. Ive never been able to release this anger inside and I hoped if I talked about it, it would help. Ive never talked to anyone one about the things I have been through, I sure dont tell people that I have been on my own since I was 14, they would think that I was some kind of freak. I guess I feel like a freak, and I hate feeling like that. I lock everything inside and act like my life is all peachy.I want to feel some kind of healing, It feels so good to talk anonymously. Sometimes I get so angry and have so much rage inside. Especially towards men, I've managed to turn my life around but I cant get rid of the rage.
     
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    I dont think that your a freak.i think that your brave.Very brave.I hope that you continue to express yourself and that it helps.I will always listen.Here for you anytime if you want to private message anytime too.Not always fast getting back to people but do my best.i just think your so brave and im sorry your still hurting.Unfortunately that hurt is understandable though.Please keep talking.Take care.kath
     
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

  8. ClockworkCrow

    ClockworkCrow Active Member

    Wow, what a survivor. I mean, i doubt i would have made it this far myself.

    Your strong.
     
  9. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    You know, back when I was a kid ,there was just noone there, it was either sink or swim, and I chose to swim. I did at least have my grandmother to mentor me. As far as strong, I have had to be strong, there was no other choice. My father wasn't interested, my mother has mental problem's, didn't know any other family member's, so I just did what I had to do. My heart really go's out to all of the young people out there who are like I was, alone confused, and scared. I had no idea that there were places to go, resources, social services, halfway houses, and I was so afraid of adult's I sure would not have trusted someone enough to help me. Hell, I didn't think anyone would even care enough to listen, when the people who are supposed to care about you don't, and make you feel stupid for even expressing your thought's or feelings, and don't show concern ,when u are hurt or scared it's like, well , why would anyone else care. I don't want to be strong, I want to be cocooned and loved. Im sure everyone does :smile: I hope that if there are ever any young women reading this, and if they are in the same situation that they will get help, there are alternatives, my friend has a website, it is called "Hookersforjesus", she went through simuliar experiences that I did, we used to hang out in the same circles, the fast " Vegas crowd", she has turned her life around, as have I, and now minister's to young people, she has been on Joyce Meyer's, the "700 Club", and know's people who can help, there IS hope !!!!
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    you are very strong, you have made it this far please keep going :hug:
     
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