Thanks, sorry I couldn't help more.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carekitty, Apr 10, 2010.

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  1. carekitty

    carekitty Guest

    I can’t do it anymore. I would like to thank those of you that reached out to me, and tried to help. You did help, you made me feel better.

    But it doesn’t last. “He” does his work again. My husband. He’s supposed to be my best friend, not my worst enemy.

    I’m tired. I survived my Mother’s beatings. Even to the point of being hospitalized. I survived her anger and hatred. I survived my dad’s molesting me. I learned not to sleep too soundly, so I wouldn’t wake up with his hands where they shouldn’t be. I survived my first husband’s being a criminal. I survived when he skipped the country to avoid prosecution, and I had to clear my own name, and prove that I didn’t know what he was doing. I survived having a serious illness my whole life.

    But God, I’m tired. I just can’t fight anymore. I’ve begged my husband to let me go in peace, but he won’t.

    The last thread I had to this life was my son. Tonight I told him I needed to be alone at this point in my life, and I pushed him away. He looked so hurt. I don’t want to hurt him. He’s the last person I want to hurt. But I’m such a f’ing mess.

    I can’t think anymore. I don’t want to think anymore. I don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve had my “plans” for a long time now. Time I got some spine and just did it. I hope there’s some peace after death, because there sure wasn’t any during life. I’m sorry. I’m so damn sorry.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No don't be sorry be strong call crisis get into hospital and get help. Your right you don't want to hurt your son so do what needs to be done. If your this low your depression is causing you to have all kinds of distorted thinking. Go to the doctors get on new meds go to the hospital have a stay there but don't hurt your son or husband don't do that you will give your son a lifetime of pain I don't think you want that so go get help now while you can. New meds New therapy bring new hope do it now okay
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    agree with violet...
    your son needs you....
    you are a very strong person to have survived all you've had to put up with in life...use that strength to now fight that depression .....
  4. It sounds as though you are really strong. You have survived a lot, and you can keep fighting, but it also sounds as though you also need some help. Please reach out for help, you are worth it, and you deserve to live. Things might be hard for now, but it will get better, it will pass. Call a friend. Call a crisis line. Go to a hospital. Take it one minute to the next, and stay safe!
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