I should preface my remarks by saying that I am a cranky, depressed, anxiety-ridden probably mentally ill (or at least neurotic) old bastard in his mid-sixties who is still alive because I do not have the courage to catch the bus. Also, I have been banned from the chat room, perhaps forever, because I get sick and tired of the people there discussing trivialities and small talk that have nothing to do with a forum for suicidal people. For some reason I am still allowed to post here, although it remains to be seen how long that will last. At any rate, I was reading through another thread when I came across this quote in a posting by senior memeber LongRoad95. It is by the dark humour comedian Doug Stanhope. I quote it here because nothing sums up better how I feel about my life. Stanhope said: [B]"Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it's sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early."[/B] I have never seen a quote that so perfectly sums up how I feel about my own life! Every time I hear the old Chestnuts about "seek professional help, there are other answers, life will get better" and all of that similar bull crap, I will remember Stanhope's quote. The simple fact is, I am in my mid-sixties and therefore I have already lived about 80% of my expected life. I have been suffering from anxiety, panic attacks, depression, uncontrollable fears and general mental malaise for 55-60 years. Over the years, I have seen some 5 or 6 different psychiatrists, tried as many meds, and I am currently seeing a cognitive therapy psychologist. I take an anti-anxiety drug, but it makes me depressed. I quit drinking 18 years ago and smoking 15 years ago. I do not want substances to control me. I am sick of being constantly anxious about nothing, worried about trivialities, or depressed for no reason. I am sick of being me. I am sick of the well-intentioned jerks who tell me "things will get better". How the f... do they know? If my mental problems have resisted 60 years of medication and psychiatry, is any rational person going to tell me the last 10 or 20 years of my life are going to suddenly turn better? For the opponents of Catching the Bus, I have one question. If you talked someone like me, at my age, out of "doing it" and I live another 20 years in continued misery, will you have the impression that you "suceeded" or that you did something good? Or do you not care how unhappy my life is, as long as I don't take the easy way out? Can you admit that there may be times when talking someone into staying alive is NOT doing them a favour? Or are you so brainwashed by your pro-life stance that you can't admit any other possibility?