Okay title says it. Thanks for that nasty experience and thanks for having this site for allowing me to shout out, to whine terribly when I need that space. I have ran a 21km, 42km including a 100km marathons. Completed them all and I am a runner, an athlete and a winner in my own race against myself - against my own mentality. A test to check on my mental toughness - my recent job termination in January. I have fallen emotionally for a while, read Matt long's book as what all runners will do if they have so much time on their hands - read books on running. I should say his book has inspired me and helped me emotionally. Thanks to his fantastic book on his journey through being a crash victim to an elite athlete. My problem seemed small right now as compared to his. I don't have permanent damage or scars to live with me (for that shitty job termination) . It is just a test for me after all to check on my mental toughness. I don't know why I keep thinking of death the other day but definitely I am a runner - a long distance ENDURANCE runner and I have allowed a small shitty job termination to take control of me mentally and swallowed me up giving me thoughts of suicide. Zzzzzzz!!!! Matt long's book - the long run is the book which has helped me coped with this emotional stress and my problem is peanuts compared to his. If he can stand up and face the challenges lining up in front of him, so why can't I do the same? He mentioned don't say I CAN or I SHOULD do things I hoped to do but to say I WILL. Yeah, this "I will" helped me a lot during my tough time coping with that shitty emotional feelings of being terminated by a moron. I was thinking right now that I shouldn't have start work with them in the very first place. Looking back at my tough times, and staring at my finishers medals, make me feel like a champion once again. I have gone through another life experience - marathon's wall. now it just made me stronger .. Much stronger mentally.