That Anguished Scream

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Dante, Nov 30, 2015.

  1. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    There is a moment in many films where the protagonist has taken all they can take, lost all they loved, and falls to their knees, then the audio fades out and the protagonist lets out a long and silent scream, they make the scream silent because the actor is not feeling anguish in their very soul and so any noise they make at this point will miss the mark terribly.

    Today I have had that scream resounding in my head all day from the moment I woke up, a loud and unbroken scream, begging to be let out. No matter how much I have tried to get a handle on the day the best I have managed is to stumble through it barely paying attention and taking occasional moments to hide and break down for just a few seconds at a time. Its been so bad that some of my work-mates have noticed I have been much quieter and more distracted today, slowed down, I even got a text after work asking if I was ok.

    I know this scream well, and occasionally I can quiet it, but today it hasn't left me for a moment, even now.
  2. dying_inside

    dying_inside Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry, i know what it feels like...
    You better now?
  3. Dante

    Dante Well-Known Member

    Its on and off most days, it was mostly off today, though its not like it was an easy day, I had a 14 hour day at work and the counsellor I just reached out to now wants to breach confidentiality (which she is apparently allowed to do) and get in touch with my GP and put me in as a suicide and self harm risk, she meets me once and decides she knows me, there is no way I would kill myself or cause significant self-harm, I have had bigger and more bruises and cuts working for the NHS (National Health Service) than I ever did to myself and yet IM the risk to my health, and judging from the missed call on my phone, she already has as this is the first time my GP has called ME. I hate today and I am going to destroy her, I am going to put on my best poker face with the GP, I'm sure I can manage to look healthy and collected for an hour or two, and calmly refute and ridicule everything she said as an overreaction to someone she doesn't understand.

    A counsellor should NOT be an extra burden!