That boy..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SmolderingIce, Jan 20, 2011.

  1. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    He's been depressive suicidal ever since I met him.. He opened up to me.. I fell in love...
    Silly me..

    But the point is..

    I've spend hours.. Days.. Weeks.. Months.. Two Years.. keeping him alive.. staying up with him on the nights he needed help.. giving him reasons to stay alive.. dishing out compliments, even when i hated him for using me..
    now, when i need a friend most..
    he wont even give me 20 minutes..
    it's not fair... I've given him my high school life so far.. and i get nothing back..
    ive never felt so alone..
     
  2. georgeo10yal

    georgeo10yal Well-Known Member

    wish i had someone care for me like that...
     
  3. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Meet a girl with serious self esteem issues, and ignore her all the time.. That seemed to work for this guy... :\
     
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    I'm sure he cares for you. Does he know you like him?(that may have been a dumb question :mellow:)
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Are you sure this relationship is good for you? I hope you know there will be someone else, and maybe the next person will see the gift he is getting...J
     
  6. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    Yes.. He knows that I love him.. And yeah. I'm sure he cares about me.. Just not enough to show it in any way shape or form.. He stops talking to me back in the middle of serious conversations... Unless, of course, if he needs the help.
    he says he cares one night.. and wont even acknowledge me for the rest of the week..
     
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Has he ever gone to therapy/taken medication?
     
  8. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    No, this relationship is terrible for me.. That's why I'm going to therapy.. But no matter how much I know that, I don't want him to suffer... I can't get over him, so I'm always there for him when he needs it..
    I can't fall in love with anyone else.. I've had boyfriends over the years, but i cant ever get to the next level of emotion with them. i don't feel it..

    So for now... I wait..
    But damn idk how much longer I can take this pain..
     
  9. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    He goes to therapy, but he doesn't open up. He lies to them. To make him seem normal. And the medication doesn't seem to help him... I'm not sure if he always takes it..
     
  10. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    That could be a large problem there. He's expecting something a therapist gives from you. And you've obviously had your own problems, let alone trying to be someone elses emotional cushion while trying to keep yourself sane.

    He may need a med change. Or to take his meds in the first place, it depends. And if he could open up to the therapist more the amount of stress put on you should decrease. How you go about making those changes I don't really know :unsure:.

    Are you able to tell his parents or something about this?
     
  11. SmolderingIce

    SmolderingIce Well-Known Member

    His mother hates me.. personal reasons.. So I can't really talk to her. And he doesn't really have a dad in the house..
    He doesn't care about himself enough to take the meds. or he's lazy. Either way, he doesn't really seem to want to get better... Which makes things difficult..
     
  12. Kendle

    Kendle Well-Known Member

    Maybe he counts on that...I've had friends (mostly online) that have done similar things to me. I've developed a theory on it, might be wrong, but...people like that, that just keep coming back over and over with a need for you to convince them they're worthy, or they shouldn't suicide, but won't seek professional help when it's there for them (not counting the times when they have no access to it; that's different), it's like they get a kick out of it. They feed off of the good things you say to them, and because there is an emotional investment involved (as opposed to a purely detached response, ie therapy), they can manipulate the situation to get whatever they want out of it. Love, affection, validation, but since it's not an objective source, they need to continually have it reaffirmed.

    It's not healthy, for you or him. He is not getting the help he needs; it sounds like he's feeding a type of emotional addiction, and using that in place of real therapy. If I'm right, then he won't be able to get the help to make him really better as long as he can get his fix from you. The fact that he doesn't want to hear about your problems, and that he's so erratic in his treatment of you, lends itself to that explanation. Why should he try to get better when you are there for him, to help him in the way he wants? Notice I said 'wants', not 'needs'. Coming to you is easy. He doesn't have to work to change himself, he doesn't have to face the idea that maybe he needs to do something difficult.

    My $.02 anyway. I could be full of crap, but I've had a LOT of experience with people like that. You won't be making him suffer by denying him the support you give him, not when he's using you like a crutch. You are young and these are supposed to be your living years...time enough to take on the mantle of responsibility for others when you have kids. Or when you get a job as a therapist. Until then, it's very unfair of him to be using you in this manner, but until you stop him he won't stop.

    If his mom hates you, you could go to his therapist and tell him/her what this boy has been telling you. Maybe not, that's your choice, but it would a) give his therapist a chance of addressing his real issues, and b) probably piss him off enough that he'd stay away from you. Might not be the best solution, I don't know the particulars and I realize that every situation is different, but it's a possible alternative. And unlike a real therapist, you are under no legal obligation to keep quiet about what he's told you.

    Sorry if I'm sounding harsh. I've been in similar situations as you, and you don't need to feel like that. Get yourself figured out, help yourself get better. You should distance yourself from him until you're both in better mental health, and then, who knows?