that is the question!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by silent_chaos, Nov 24, 2012.

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  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    my feelings are to deep for me to put in words. i want to die but im afraid of the unknown. i fear things getting better and working out the way i worked so hard for it to be, cause when things start going good that i might die. you never die when you wish to be dead, so when things do get better and you wish this happiness forever, i fear i might die. i dont have my parents to talk to, they discuss me, and are the majority of the reason i feel this way. they can go eff them self. i have completely alienated myself from the few friends that i do have. only one calls when she hasnt herd from me in a few days.
    my anxiety is what keeps me from going away from leaving the house. i have a friend that gets payed to go shopping with me and thats after i take anxiety meds and trying to psych myself out. a lot of times i still cant do it. i will go days without eating to avoid going to the store. sometimes i will start shopping then i get paniced and will leave the cart in the middle of the isle and leave. then come home and cry cause i wasnt brave i cowered out. im sick of living like this my therapist tells me then dont live this way if your scared do it anyway. and if i tell him he dosnt get it he just says im trying to argue and come up with excuses to stay in fear cause its simple and im over reacting. sometimes i will envision myself beating the shit out of him, then bam i snap back into reality. sometimes im afraid its not just going to be a daydream or envision. im just going on and on with no real reason of the way i feel, so low so empty. sometimes this forum isnt enough. i want human contact someone to do things with, to distract myself. but then again my anxiety problem feels otherwise.
    so how am i supposed to keep going on like this?
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry for your difficulties. A couple things come to mind as well as a couple of questions. Do you work? and How long have you been seeing this therapist? I would suggest maybe it is time to seek the assistance of a new therapist that you feel you are able to communicate more clearly with or that understands you better and perhaps consider a consultation with an actual psychiatrist to look over meds you are taking and offer a suggestion on a more effective therapy for you. If nothing else it will feel like you are trying to take steps towards progress as opposed to remaining in an unchanging limbo.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    Take it one day, one hour, one moment at a time! Keep reaching out until you find the help you need! Keep talking as LIFE is worth living! Be safe!
     
  4. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Nyjmpmaster, No I don't work I got fired cause a suicide attempt. I've seeing this therapist for about a year, he is also my caseworker for other things. I see my psychiatrist in a couple of weeks.
    Mackaroni, my minutes hours and days are all running together. I can't slow don't my thought enough to pay that much attention.
    I'm very mentally, physically, emotionally, drained.
     
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