By all logic I should have ended my life a few years ago. I still have some emotional attachment to the thought. Sometimes I let emotions lead me into thinking of suicidal thoughts, but it's definitely more logical for me to kill myself more than anything else. I really have no reasons to prevent me from doing it. I don't have any close family, no friends, I live on disability (SSI) for mental illness and medical problems. This is all after being a relatively normal teenager, with friends etc. I really think it would be noble of me to end my life but I'm not sure why I don't just get on with it. I think I'm more afraid than anything else. I think if I were to stop being afraid it would be much easier for me. I get lost sometimes almost outside of reality but then whenever reality presents itself to me again(recently finding an ex and seeing how well she's got on with her life, promiscuous, still very attractive etc, after she basically crushed me and was cruel to me in ways only a psychopath would enjoy) or I will look in the mirror and remember I used to be kind of handsome as a teenager. I take pictures though and I see I am very far from what anyone would consider attractive. Those kind of thoughts make me feel emotional but I'd want to kill myself for other reasons as well. It's all I think about but I don't know why I don't do it. All the encouragement is there. I think the people who are able to go through with it are very brave.