That time again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bigman2232, Nov 26, 2008.

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  1. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Well it's that time of the year again. The semester has come to an end and all that is left are the final exams. This means lots of time to sit around and think or try to study and hope I can pass my classes.

    It's also the time to have Christmas break. I've decided that I'm not even going home this year. There is no point. It will be the same questions and same answers and same feelings of being the family loser. Add to that, the fact that I have no room to go home to and it's even more of a reason for me to stay at school.

    But of course, even that can't go as planned. As far as I knew I could stay in the townhouse residence I'm in with no problems. Now I find out that I have to pay extra to stay. So this means I spend more money I don't have and I may even be more alone than originally thought because those that planned on staying may not pay and instead go home. YIPPY.

    And with the holidays comes the fighting in other people's relationships over the stupid things and being in long distance ones. I of course get to see it all because I can't help but want to do something for friends. Especially when I can see one turning into what I have if they don't make a change soon.

    Finally because it's on the break, no more therapist for at least a month. Then again I don't know how well that really is turning out. I get help from her and I like having someone to talk to but everything she says is what I already know about myself. It's infuriating that I know what is wrong but I still can't change it and I seem to just be getting worse. Now I'm even getting mad at myself for not being able to be better. Fuck.
     
  2. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    That's what I found with therapy, they told me it was pointless and that I was doing it all anyway...I think you should go to your families for Christmas it is where 'you belong'...if not why not do something different and go camping in the woods for a month by yourself away from civilization? that sounds interesting.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Bigman,
    Don't give up on therapy. Have you been honest with her and not hold back your true feelings? When you go back ask her about learning coping skills and how not to discount the positive thoughts.
    I agree about you going home for the holidays. It might make you uncomfortable but it gives you a chance to spend time with you parents. They aren't going to be around forever. I was the same way with mine. They kicked me out when I was seventeen so I hitchhiked around the country for a year. That got old so I joined the Marines. I didn't speak to them for years. Then we started talking again and I lost my job and they told me how useless I was. At the time I didn't know that I had a disability. I disappeared for another six years. No one knew where I was,so my oldest sister and her husband hired a private dick to look for me. He found out I was in New York but didn't know where I was.
    I just recently started talking to my dad again because he isn't in very good health. He said he didn't understand my illness but if thats what I need to do then he is behind me and won't put me down anymore. So far it's been good. You should sit your parents down and have a heart to heart with them. Maybe it will help to bring you all back together.Good Luck!~Joseph~
     
  4. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Don't have parents. Have a mother who is always angry at me and a father who I rarely see or talk to and is just disappointed in me.

    It's bad enough being alone but going to family gatherings is nothing more than seeing everyone else with their mate and making my feelings of loneliness worse.

    I don't "belong" anywhere.
     
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