**That Was Stupid**

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Yeah i fucked up. I took another overdose last night. I truely fucked everything up. I told someone i wouldn't and i still did it, i gave into the temptation i've been fighting for months.

    That was proberbly the worst affect i've had from an OD, i felt like my heart was gonna just stop, i was shaking, hot, feeling ill, then feeling cold, head banging and my heart was beating so fast and i thought i was just gonna give out. That was from what i considered a small amount. I know i should of never taken it.

    I'm NEVER gonna OD again, i swear im not. I don't wanna feel how ill i am right now again. Its horrible. Im awake but i keep going to fall asleep even when i dont want to.

    Im sorry, especially to Terry, Carolyn and as allways Ester.

    Ester i know your mad at me and maybe i deserve it but please understand that its a similar thing for me and your drinking is to you. I know i said i wouldn't and i ended up doing it, that just proves how weak i am. I told you i was weak and this just proves it. The last person i want mad or upset at me is you and yet i still did it. You didn't lose me tho, i told you you it wouldnt happen. I told you your not gonna lose me ever. I meants every word in that text message. Yeah i know you keep saying the same goes for me, but its pretty hard to take your own advice sometimes. All i can do is apoligise to you. I been thinking about doing something for you, something you wanted me to do. If i do get advised to go into a day hospital then i may consider it. I can't do that right now because of college and after college or in the next few months i have find a job and i can't afford to be in hospital from 9 - 6 for 5 days a week. I just can't do that right now. But maybe once im done with college it will all get better, you know i wanna quite and how behind i am and its really stressing me out. This happened last year and all i ever did was OD when college stressed me out and thats why it happened last night. But i have absoloutely no pills in the house that i could take and im not gonna waste my money buying some. Its not worth it.

    So im sorry, no one should ever OD, its not worth it.

    My apoligise proberbly have no meaning now what so ever, and Ester you've heard me say sorry so many times, you must be getting tired of it and i don't blame you to be honest, but sorry is all i can say.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 5, 2007
  2. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Vik don't beat yourself up over it

    Every1 slips up sometym. the trick is like riding a bike if you fall off just get back up and keep going.

    It doesn't prove your weak hun, it proves your human.

    Luv, Josh
  3. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hun im here for you.i wish id been there for you last night.Please know you can always call on me hun.Hugs.i do mea that by the way.Please call on me when you need someone anytime.

    i admire you actually.i admire many here.Your in immense pain and so are many others here but i admire your strength to try and keep going.That is brave.

    i gave up long ago and thats just meant ive made a mess of everything and i do mean a big mess and tangle of everything in my life.

    i know it is hard,that sometimes it is probably a battle beyond words for you perhaps as it often feels for me but please try and lean on us and i admire you for still being here and still trying.

    i admire you a lot.i admire you all a lot.

    Take care and best wishes
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    I'm not mad at you, Vikki. Don't think like that. It would take a whole lot to get me mad at you.

    Yes it was stupid, but you know that yourself too, just make sure you won't do it again. Get everything that you could OD on away from you, out of the house if necessary.. As long as you can't easily access it.

    Est x
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thanks Kath :hug:

    I just think your either really mad or upset with me :cry: I said i wouldnt do it for you and i still did and im sorry for that. I don't wanna feel like this, i can't even move. I'm shaking and i feel like im losing conciousness or something. I was scared last night :sad: I didnt know what to do :sad:
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Very sorry to hear this Vikki :( but at least your still with is, dont beat yourself up about it...looks like lesson learnt since youve stated your NEVER going to try that again.

    You know Jan 14 is a fresh start for you, gotta stick to that. Im here for support 100%.
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Well at least you are still with us and that is what counts.

    In my book it is ok to be weak, from time to time. I mean even the sturdiest of structures will give out with enough pressure and/or wear and tear. Just make sure that you rebuild yourself stronger so you last longer.

    And if you ever feel the need to tell your story you can tell it to me if you like. I know a little something about bitching about the same thing over and over again.. I have done it a great deal in here.
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Thanks Forgotten_Man

    Im gonna try not to do it again. I just hope that when im upset i just don't go do it again, I felt so sick and i still do. My stomach feels uncomfortable. I need to make this my last time, im just scared that i'll do it again. :sad:
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    ^^ Your Welcome. And look I have had the same problems myself. Way back when I used to want to overdose to kill myself. Generally these feelings came at times during the regular week. So what I did was I said, "I am not going to do it until the weekend" and generally the feeling passed... ^^;; I hope this does not sound like encouragement because it is not. Another great thing to do is just lie down in bed with a stuffie and snuggle it to death until all your feeling go away. I hope that you never do it again too.