Yeah i fucked up. I took another overdose last night. I truely fucked everything up. I told someone i wouldn't and i still did it, i gave into the temptation i've been fighting for months. That was proberbly the worst affect i've had from an OD, i felt like my heart was gonna just stop, i was shaking, hot, feeling ill, then feeling cold, head banging and my heart was beating so fast and i thought i was just gonna give out. That was from what i considered a small amount. I know i should of never taken it. I'm NEVER gonna OD again, i swear im not. I don't wanna feel how ill i am right now again. Its horrible. Im awake but i keep going to fall asleep even when i dont want to. Im sorry, especially to Terry, Carolyn and as allways Ester. Ester i know your mad at me and maybe i deserve it but please understand that its a similar thing for me and your drinking is to you. I know i said i wouldn't and i ended up doing it, that just proves how weak i am. I told you i was weak and this just proves it. The last person i want mad or upset at me is you and yet i still did it. You didn't lose me tho, i told you you it wouldnt happen. I told you your not gonna lose me ever. I meants every word in that text message. Yeah i know you keep saying the same goes for me, but its pretty hard to take your own advice sometimes. All i can do is apoligise to you. I been thinking about doing something for you, something you wanted me to do. If i do get advised to go into a day hospital then i may consider it. I can't do that right now because of college and after college or in the next few months i have find a job and i can't afford to be in hospital from 9 - 6 for 5 days a week. I just can't do that right now. But maybe once im done with college it will all get better, you know i wanna quite and how behind i am and its really stressing me out. This happened last year and all i ever did was OD when college stressed me out and thats why it happened last night. But i have absoloutely no pills in the house that i could take and im not gonna waste my money buying some. Its not worth it. So im sorry, no one should ever OD, its not worth it. My apoligise proberbly have no meaning now what so ever, and Ester you've heard me say sorry so many times, you must be getting tired of it and i don't blame you to be honest, but sorry is all i can say.