That's It, I'm Done

I'm so fucking tired of all this bullshit. I feel like a fucking sheep half the time. All the time spent trying to make my life better, trying to be happier. It's useless when I know I'm going to end up killing myself somewhere down the line. There's no point to any of it, and I just can't take being either really angry or suicidal. People make me sick and I just want to kill half of them. There's no one I hate more, however, than myself. And it's just so infuriating knowing that the thing that most often stands in the way of your happiness is yourself! I can't fucking take it. I still haven't decided if I'm going to kill myself tonight or not, but one thing's for certain: I'm fucking done with the world

 

I don't blame you for feeling that way - it's a shitty world, full of shitty people, and it's getting worse rather than better. When I read your remark about wanting to kill half of the people you encounter, I immediately thought, "Only half?"

 

There is no way that you can ever make yourself truely happy or be happy in your life if you hold onto the idea that you will inevitably end up killing yourself. Once you purge that thought and focus only on living for today without thinking too much about things that have not happened or might never happen, then you will be able to lead a much happier life.

 

It's not that I plan on killing myself soon, but i know when I die, I want it to be because I kill myself. I want to be able to die on my own terms. None of that, lying in a bed, pissing myself with tubes in my nose and arm as I just drift into death. I wanna go out the way I Wanna go out!