That's it.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jameslyons, Feb 14, 2009.

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  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I'm cutting into my neck as deep as possible. Screw it all.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    And breath out.... :) Better now.
  3. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I used to want to cut my neck, when things escalated and i felt it would be the only place i could cut and still get release from it, as cutting my arm became obsolete (well more to the point i'd cut up both arms and there was no more space). I never did though. I just wanted you to know i understand that need. But I am worried that you are cutting your neck, it is a very, very dangerous place to cut. What was it that made you have to cut just now? What were you feeling? What you are doing is really serious, i don't know your story but if you can please tell someone outside this forum what is happening. You are obviously in a highly agitated depressed state, i think it would be wise to go to your nearest hospital, you need professional help to support you right now.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Why was it you felt the need to post? Did you get what you needed from the post? Why was it you felt you needed to do that?

    How are you now? Please make sure you keep your wound clean and dressed and get it checked out if necessary.
  5. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    do people cut because of self hatred? how does it work? I once saw a video of someone slicing off his flesh and stitching it back. I nearly vomitted and had a nightmare. Whats the deal about cutting? How does it keep one together?
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Maybe post a topic asking. I would be happy to answer, but I don't think it's fair to jameslyons to answer on his thread when it's a fairly general question, not aimed specifically at him.
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    There's no point in California - I haven't money for a private hospital and the state hospitals are overrun. If you're a suicide than you get 24 hours in a crisis ward, a phone number to call, and then are sent on your way.

    The neck is too hard to cut - way too many nerves. Plus my cutting tool is flimsy and was designed by the company to prevent any deep cutting. It can be frustrating some times.

    I won't bother my family again. They showed their concern four/five days after a major cutting session. Then they put me in the hospital (? a bit late, no?) then they did one group therapy session where they got in touch with their feelings and told me that they were sick of my manipulative behavior.

    The secret to meaningful relationships: Put the mask on and smile all day.

    Thanks for your concern though. It means a lot.

  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I posted because I write and have an annoying need to tell people about most things I do (you should check out my member's diary for an example) :tongue:. Plus it also feels slightly cathartic to post.

    And after I cut myself, I needed to close the post. I was going to cut, I cut, I then finished up.

    I'm fine for the moment. The wound is healing nicely.


  9. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Reasons why I cut:

    A.) It's a great way to release stress. When you're really frustrated with things as ambiguous as depression and self-loathing it's nice to be able to sharpen your perception into one intense and brief occasion - a cut or burn.

    B.) My body releases endorphines when I cut, right afterwards particularly.

    C.) Cutting feels incredible, and somewhere along the way my nervous system decided that cutting or burning myself was a positive feeling. Hence the endorphins :)

    D.) If you're contemplating eating a gun, cutting a piece of skin doesn't seem so bad. In fact, it's a great way to deter suicidal impulses - you get to experience the pain demanded by suicidal depression, but it's superficial.

    E.) So long as your body is hurt a little bit, the urges to kill myself come less often.

    That's why I do it.
  10. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Hmmm....i hear you and it makes me angry that is actually a valid explanation.

    But i still hope that you are under a doctor, even if you don't have to go in for a stay in hospital, you still need mental health care with at least medication and hopefully a therapist and key worker.

    Also as you will know there are voluntary organisations for you to cal -you say you often need to tell someone, maybe if you can get to talk before you cut you'll find the release you need?

    There is only so long you can put a mask on for, you need help in my opinion now. Cutting your neck is extremely dangerous even with a 'blunt' instrument.

    Look after yourself.
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