I've been feeling suicidal for over a year. It comes and goes, but every time when the thoughts return they are stronger than before. I feel empty, like nothing matters, not even my family. I know that one day I will kill myself, so I guess its better to know when so that I can prepare everyone for this.
I gave myself a date too but today I haven't felt like dying as much. I think it takes a "in the moment" kind of thing to actually do it. If you can "ride the wave" as my benzo friends have told me you can make it through. A friend of mine always says that you have to hold on because every day could be the day things change. What if you kill yourself days before you would have met the person of your dreams? The dream job? Although we suffer the longer we stay alive it is a good fight we are fighting. We have an inner strength that nobody else can see just by choosing to live. We are strong just by the fact that we keep breathing... even if we can't feel that strength, it's there.