First off the 2 most important people in my life... My 2 grandads. They both left my high and dry. i only got to say goodbye to one of them. My first grandad and me were so close. he was my best friend. he was the reason i came over to ireland all the time when i was on holiday. When i was born he asked that i was named after him. I loved him so much and he left me without giving me a change to say goodbye. My mom wouldnt even let me go to the funeral. I had to stay with my nan who was a borderline alcoholic and locked us in her bedroom when her "friend" came over. Now all i can do is talk to his grave. I didnt even know he was ill. it was so hard. Then just as i was moving over from the troubles that was my life in Birmingham my other grandad got hospitalised because of stupid work men leaving a mess. He would have been ok if it wasnt because of the rubbish care that he was given by the nurses. I feel nothing but hate for all the people who took care of him. All that was wrong was that he has damaged his arm. He shouldnt have left me. He was meant to move over to Ireland with me. He was my only friend at that time. All my friends deserted me when i told them i had to leave. Then he passed away a couple of days before he was due to come over. I had everything packed for him to come. I even had his room made how he liked it and made sure that we had his favourite food so that he didnt feel left out when he came to live with us. It was a scary time and i really needed him. The worst thing was i even had to read at his funeral and i had to carry him. A boy of 15 shouldnt have to do that. Especially having the put the top on the casket and seeing his body lying there motionless. The body who used to hug you when he came to take care of you when your parents where both at work. The body who used to tell you that he loved you so much and he was your favourite out of all his grandkids. He should be here with me now. Maybe i wouldnt feel like this if he was. Maybe i wouldnt have missed out on so much And finally one of my best friend. I wasnt even told she was sick until she passed away. I wanted to pay my respects. she was one of the few who helped me when my first grandad passed away. she was the one who introduced me to acting and expressing myself by singing. But as soon as i got to the funeral i was surrounding by my so called friends and told to get the f*** away. that i had no right to be there to say goodbye. Thank god i still have a few friends over there that wanted me to be there. Even now im still told by them that it shouldnt have been her. it should have been me. Was i really disliked by everyone in that school that they were willing to sacrifice me to get our friend back? Am i really that much of a loser?