The afterwards

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Kelly ann, Dec 22, 2013.

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  1. Kelly ann

    Kelly ann New Member

    A few months ago, I attempted suicide because of my severe depression. I was mainly upset because my boyfriends parents weren't allowing us to be together since they hate me, his baby mama was disgusted by me, and he was nearly ignoring me for his son and baby mama. I cried and cried all night but he wouldn't listen and when he left me at my house that day, I just tried to end it. We ended up breaking up, I went to the hospitals psyche ward for five days and so far I've been doing pretty well.
    Until now. This boyfriend and I are back together. He is the love of my life, we get along so well and were planning on getting married next year. But... His baby mama has a major issue with me. She says she will get a restraining order on me because I'm a danger to everyone around me. She doesn't even live in this state. >_> needless to say this has effected me quite a lot. My boyfriend and I are trying to move I together, trying to get our finances settled up, and he wants to have a baby together. I'm almost finished with college and in two years I'll have my degree so I can get a better job than I have now, not that management isn't great, it's just not my cup of tea.
    I'm depressed again, the similar feeling to how I felt before my suicide attempt. I'm scared thAt if I marry my boyfriend thAt she will take his son away claiming I'm a danger, or take us to court. She's a jealous woman, not for him, but for his happiness. She hasn't been happy in a long time. So when he has something nice in his life she tries to take it away. He swears up and down that he wants me, that if losing his son meant keeping me then so be it. His son lives miles away and it's too expensive to see him often. He skypes and one day his son will probably want to spend more time with him, so he's not worried about never seeing his son again. But I am. I don't want to hurt anyone emotionally or physically. I spend more time hating myself than I do other people.
    I guess basically I'm trying to reach out, without Alerting my boyfriend. I don't want him to feel responsible for my depression. My medications don't seem to be working like they should. Is my depression caused by my boyfriend? Am I too much of an awful person because I'm jealous of his relationship with his son and his baby mama? Will having his baby fix my problems? I'm scared I'll try again...this time I'm trying to find help.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I can only answer one of your questions with absolute certainty - having a baby of your own will NOT help your situation in any way. Adding incredibly messed up hormones, further depression, more responsibilities in a very tenuous situation and interrupting your education will no tin any way help anything.

    When you and your boy friend figure out if there is a real relationship to be had - which sounds mostly like him figuring it out- then you can plan a future together - until then it is all meaningless. There is no real reason for him to be in contact with ex- set up visitations and all other contact with ex needs to cease - so far as what she can do or thinks she can do - it is very little so long as you do not give her grounds by fighting with her or even talking to her.
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I think your best ally and future defense in a legal matter is if you can be working very hard in counseling. If you can have a therapist vouch that you are dedicated to recovering and making a healthy life for yourself. This will be your greatest asset and resource when it comes to defending yourself legally. And of course you will benefit in other ways personally.

    In answer to your question about having his baby fixing things, oh quite the contrary. Having a baby is a very complex matter. It emotionally taxes even the strongest people. And I am not just talking about the pregnancy and birth. Nor am I only talking about the hormonal changes that can bring on postpartum depression much greater than what you now experience. I am also talking about being a mother.

    Please try to work as hard as possible in counseling. Work on changing your medications. Get stabilized as possible. Finish school. Then when you are feeling healthy enough, revisit the idea of having a baby. Discuss it with your therapist.

    Btw, great that you are in school getting your degree. That's wonderful.
     
  4. wyngedbyste

    wyngedbyste Well-Known Member

    Hi, Kelly Ann,

    A few things came to mind when I read your post.

    1) Your medical history is private. No one needs to know about it unless you or someone you know tells. Your boyfriend should definitely NOT be sharing your medical issues with his ex.

    2) It is unlikely that a court would grant a restraining order based on your medical history. The ex would have to show that you were a danger to others (specifically her or her son) and it doesn't sound as if that is the case since she lives in another state.

    3) Your boyfriend's relationship with his ex and his son is HIS responsibility. Not yours. If he wants a relationship with his child, he's the one who will have to make that happen. It sounds as if you're trying to fix his relationship. You can't. That's too much of a burden for you to take on. It denies him the chance to feel competent to solve his own problems like an adult.

    4) If you don't feel your medication is helping you, contact your med provider and ask for an adjustment. There are about a bazillion drugs out there and just about as many combinations. One will work for you. If you feel you need help, reach out. Call someone. Your therapist. A crisis line. A friend. Don't sit at home and wait for help to come to you.

    5) NO, having a baby will not "fix" your problems. It will only make them worse. Babies are stressful, emotionally and physically. Plus, a child should come into this world because it is wanted for itself. Not for someone else's convenience.

    You sound like a smart woman who has a fairly "together" life. You're getting a degree. You have a job. You have goals. You have a boyfriend who hopefully treats you well. Don't throw all of this away. It's a life worth living.

    Byste
     
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