The attraction of suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Deleted SKU, Jul 16, 2010.

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  1. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    A difficult thing i've come to realise is over the years is how much i've come to romanticize suicide. I was thinking about this the past few days, and have come to the conclusion that its a significant hurdle that i have to overcome to be able to move forward. It feels like it's less a last resort, and moreso something that is actually a good idea, pretty much regardless of the circumstances. The idea of being without feeling, both pleasure and pain, just seems so appealing right now. I know the consequences of it, the pain it will cause the few people who give a damn about me, and even that the experience of death may not neccessarily feel a good one, but even with that, suicide seems like something i don't quite have the strength to do, rather than something i can actively say no to. If i could turn my life off as simply as pressing a button, i'm not sure honestly what i do, but i do think i would press it.

    I guess i just want to know if anyone has been through the same, or if anyone has any ideas how to get over this.
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Yeah it is easy to romanticize suicide especially for us that deal with such pain..I mean it is an end to all that but the problem is it is end to hope and dreams that can be realized but all in all I know I romanticize it as a way of feeling in control of the emotions and pain associated with my depression...
     
  3. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I understand your way of thinking since I tend to think the same way. Every time I think about following through I can't help thinking about the places I won't get a chance to travel, the books I'll never read, all the experiences I'll never have. Also, I don't know if I have the strength either. I'm sure when things start to get better for you, your mindset will change, those thoughts will go away. It's good to see when people have suicidal thoughts but still have a healthy attitude, like you. Good luck. Hope you stick around and keep talking.
     
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Doing the opposite worked for me. Daydream about life, and love. Hopes and dreams. Death is death, and you will see it soon enough. Life has way more possibilities and promises. :hug:
     
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Rathis. Your post really got me thinking. I think that a lot of people on SF romanticize suicide like it is the ultimate solution to all of life's problems, when it's actually a way of escaping from your problems instead of dealing with them. We were given this gift of life for a reason and we have a duty to live our lives no matter what challenges we are faced with.

    I have thought about what would happen if I were to shoot myself with one of my guns, and I absolutely will never do this to myself. There is nothing romantic about suicide. Family members are left heartbroken and your life is ended prematurely. It really is a waste of a life.
     
  6. House

    House New Member

    Hello,

    I also feel the same way although I am not so sure if I should be replying as I may not be helping anyone's situation with my reply so if I am wrong, I am very sorry as I am just learning the ropes of how things work around here with me being a newbie to SF and all.

    However, you did ask if anyone else felt this way, so I just wanted to let you know that I do. Maybe that will help you, I don't know. I know I sometimes I get comfort in the fact with knowing I am not alone when it comes to bad feelings, etc.

    Sometimes I actually feel like I am "Off" and other times I even feel cool which I cough up to one of my good friends from childhood who was one of the "cool" ones if you know what I mean. Anyway, he (Mike C.) was going through allot (even more then I will ever know) and took his life one night by hanging while under the influence of PCP, he was 17.

    For years I never thought I could take my own life but I guess you could say for years I never had more pain & suffering then I had "coping skills" but recently, actually very recently -- being the last few months or so and progressing every day, I think I finally outweighed the coping skills with the hopeless-ness, etc, etc. Hope that makes sense.

    I say ALL this because I already know how (If I do as I am not looking for SYMPATHY) I will end myself, yes, by hanging. As sick as it is I guess I associate it with my cool childhood friend Mike as it was his choice of taken himself out per say. I guess if he could do it, I can do it.

    I am just totally, 100% not afraid anymore of doing so ever since it got so bad. The worst part is knowing some of the things are my fault although I know others were not, I guess it just does not matter.

    Anyway, I will not HOG up your thread with my issue's but I do feel sort of the same way as you mentioned so I wanted to mention as you asked. Crap, I even found myself looking for every detail I could find on "hanging" so I make sure the job is done 100% the first time. I bought the rope that can hold me at home depot a few days ago and even hung the hook from my 15 foot ceilings rafters, I use extra sturdy screws. The entire time I was setting up and teaching myself how to make the perfect "hang mans knot" I do admit to feeling a sick sense of accomplishment and sort of romanticizing the thought. I have done a ton of research and admit to enjoying every bit of it thus far. I am very knowledgeable now so I guess the research and learning part for me is over which was kind of sad in a way.

    I even admit to knowing that these feelings are not normal sometimes but I do not know, I just do not care anymore because I am just to TIRED to.

    There was one question I am worried about, the last of the last but I can not seem to find a answer and I guess that is because deep down I know there is no factual answer.

    "Will I go to HELL if I kill myself"

    I read articles that go both ways and I know that is just a chance we all take when doing something like this. I am scared of this but sometimes which comes on with something as simple as somebody looking at me the wrong way, I can get past the worries of what will happen to my soul. I guess you can say I am at the end of my rope which is why I am not even strong enough anymore mentally to handle a "bad look" let alone a bad day.

    I will try to post my own thread here to let everyone in on what is going on in my life as honestly, I really want somebody to care as I used to feel like I had that and may even had it but I certainly do not have it now and will prob never have it again. Even if that is just a few members reading and responding, it will be worth the time it takes to write it all out.

    I actually spent allot of time reading these boards and there seems to be allot of people on here who are hella kind and understanding as well as people who may feel a little bit like myself in reality. I could name 3 or 4 people on here right now (by there screen names) that I would like to talk with maybe and they do not even know me, ha.

    I am bad with being in person and expressing my emotions but I am sometimes a open book when it comes to hiding behind a screen which is why I was looking for a site just like this. I own a few sites myself, forums that is but nothing like this so I am very glad that somebody created this site for people like some of US.

    In ending here, to the OP. So yes, I do feel much like you in some ways if that is any constellation. I am a 30 year old white male from Philadelphia PA with OCD. While I am here, I think I would like to go by the name HOUSE.

    Sorry for the rant,
    HOUSE
     
  7. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    there is nothing romantic about suicide....absolutely nothing....

    there is only pain and suffering, guilt, sadness, anger, depression, despair, loneliness, for those who are left behind....
    and I forgot...the way one suicide seems to be contagious...we want to follow them..
    nothing romantic about any of that..
     
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