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The Bad Jokes Thread. (No decent jokes allowed)

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Mortal Moon, Jan 6, 2010.

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  1. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    In this thread, we tell the worst jokes we know. The only rule is that your joke must cause the average person to groan and roll their eyes, perhaps even slug you in the shoulder. Dead baby and gallows humor is allowed, as long as it stays more-or-less unfunny. Let's start!

    What's the Hamburglar's favorite dance?

    The Paso Roble!
  2. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    What do you do if an elephant swallows you whole?

    You run 'till you get pooped out. (You wanted bad you got it :puke:)
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    I love daddy jokes!!!

    Shall i tell you the joke about the pencil???
    Nah - theres no point
  4. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy remembers to duck.
  5. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."
    The horse says "Sure." :eek:hmy:

    Why can't Irishmen ever be attorneys?
    They can never make it past the bar! :sheep2:
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Some of the ones I get all the time;

    Why don't blind people skydive?
    Scares the hell out of their dogs!!

    A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

    Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
    A: She answer the iron.
    Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?
    A: They called back.
  7. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Fantastic :)

    What do you call a man with no arms and legs...
    ...on a porch - Matt
    ...in a hole - Phil
    ...in a pond - Bob
    ...on a wall - Art
  8. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    ^^ On a Mountain- Cliff
    In a pool- Bob :eek:hmy:

    Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
    In case he gets a hole in one!

    Did you hear about the Olympic Gold Medal winner from Canada?
    He loved his medal so much he had it bronzed. :canucks:
  9. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Doesn't count, I chuckled, just kidding :)

    A pirate captain stood with a steering wheel in his pants
    His first mate asked "Argh, sir, why be there a wheel in your pants?"
    To which the captain replied "Aye, they be driving me nuts"

    A pirate captain is stopped by a Militia leader who asks "Where be your buccaneers, captain?"
    To which the captain replies "on me bucking head"
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?

    What do you call a guy with no feet?
  11. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    A man is walking on the beach, he spots a girl with no arms and no legs crying on the beach.
    The man says "why are you crying?"
    The girl says "In my entire life, I've never been kissed"
    So the man leans down and kisses the girl, as he turns to leave, she cries again
    The man says "Now why are you crying?"
    The girl replies "In my entire life, I've never been fucked"
    The man picks the girl up and turns around and tosses her in the ocean
    The man yells "You're fucked now!!"
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN


    Who's the guy with no arms and legs in a pile of leaves?
  13. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?
  14. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    terrible :) but so funny

    A man finds a genie lamp and rubs it, the genie comes out and says "You have one wish"
    The man says angrily "Just one? What a rip, I thought it was three?"
    The genie shrugs and says "Take it or leave it"
    The man frowns but says "Alright, I wish for my package to touch the floor"
    The genie nods and snaps his fingers and the man has no legs :p
  15. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    What do you call a three-headed monster whose car breaks down on the side of the road?

    A tow truck.
  16. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    * What do termites eat for breakfast?
    * Oakmeal.

    * What do you call a video of pedestrians?
    * Footage.

    * Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?
    * She wanted to be a nurse.

    * What's Mary short for?
    * She's got no legs.
  17. duka

    duka Well-Known Member

    What did the Monist say to the hot dog vendor?
    Make me one with everything.

    What did the hot dog vendor say to the Monist when he asked for his change back?
    Change comes from within.

    Patient: Doc, I feel like a bridge.
    Doctor: Get over yourself.
  18. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
    Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
    The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it." The blond replies "Shut up, you're next." :unsure:

    Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
    The other blonde covers one of her eyes and asks, "Where?":nerd:
  19. Ringo

    Ringo Well-Known Member

    What do you call a sheep with no legs?
    A cloud

    How do you stop a fish from smelling?
    Cut its nose off

    Where do you find a one legged dog?
    Where you left it.

    What's pink and fluffy?
    Pink fluff
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