I've known this band since 2000, seven years ago, none of the original members are still in the band. My mind is altered by drugs and alcohol at the current state - it upsets me that the band has reformed into 'normal' people - people who are happy with the way life is and have no quarrels with the way things are. Life is about the journey we take, no matter how hard or disheartening we find it to be. I'm torn apart thinking about what it means to live as apposed to death - both seem as equal alternatives, neither the choice I am willing to go through. My heart is broken in pieces just trying to patch it all together. I just want to find someplace where only pure joy and happiness exists. I don't know if it truly exists, as I said before I am broken apart. I just wish the world could show me a way through all this mess. It seems like no alternative but death awaits me. Please help me find some escape from this tormented world - it is truly hell as I have found. through much trial and error - no other place would people be so complacent and ordinary as to not care about the world as it is. My psychologist told me I have the worst delusion of them all, reality. Reality will consume you and break you in to pieces, leaving you no where to go with it al. Don't know what I'm going to do, just try to ease the pain a bit tonight by posting here (11:25pm my time). Please if you respond - try to let me know there is a world out there where people care and there is a place where joy exists. Thank you all and good night.