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the battle and the damage done

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Shock, May 22, 2007.

  1. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    this is a vent again, it helps me to write these things down.

    i dont wanna be depressed anymore. its this fucking disease. and its eating me. it saps my energy like a parasite. it isnt responding to treatment. i fight it, fight it so hard. its a war always. the disease impersonates me. so its me fighting myself inside my head.

    i think im losing

    im taking more and more pills. but im losing ground to the disease. i cant sleep cause the battles still raging. i cant function cause im too tired. i think i need help. but theres no one around.

    if i kill myself does that mean the disease has one? i want to die and the worse part is i know i shouldnt. is it the diesease that makes me want to die or is it living with the diesease that does it?

    all right heres that cliche' bit:
    i have to say this. i feel selfish for saying it cause there are heaps of sincere people out there who want to help

    ok: i saw this cartoon on a website. one friend was helping another who had depression by saying they would go to councilling together. oh god i wish my friends were like that. i really want to talk to someone about it. even just talking about. thats all. they dont have to lot after me or anything. i hate the idea of that. i hate the idea of relying on people more than anything. but good i just want someone to talk to who wont call me a pussy or a loser or self obsessed.

    anyway. thats my rant. like i said, it might be selfish. i dunno. it helps me to write this down anyway.

    say what you want