I feel its heart beat inside me Trying to match my own Remain hidden to everyone But I know it cannot be mine This thing inside me is horrifying It takes control when I’m weak Makes me do it’s will Wreak havoc on my body mind and soul Do whatever makes me more susceptible The more it consumes me the longer it takes hold each time Making my heart colder Slowly withdrawing me from the world Words and actions merely cause it to go into hiding But it’s too late when it takes retreats I hunger for it Pull it back close in my solitary times Hide it when solitude is impossible Hide it with an unholy veil of lies I’m addicted to the pain it causes me The grip it has obtained over years has left scars Scars I want more than each breath I take Scars I want to multiply like rabbits I wish to cover my body in scars now If your medications causes the beast to leave I will continue his work Further my addiction to its personal brand of pain Then maybe just maybe no medication can save me If I don’t want to be saved why do you force me to be? Because you know best? Who knows me better than me Nobody knows me better than me nobody ever will F*** the psychiatrists f*** the therapists You see what I want you to see and that is my unholy veil The only way you will ever truly see inside my head is when I’m gone When you get a copy of the bloody note I have in my death grip After I make the final decent into hell to meet my beast face to face Be eternally tortured for what I have become I have become this because I let the beast win didn’t fight it Instead I joined it and helped to end all that I was Forget the past look to the future of what it wanted me to be It wanted me to be under its thumb control me not for a lifetime but for eternity Felt a little creative so i wrote this up. Its a first draft of what almost happened to me. My family and some of you got me through that very rough time wanna say thanks to Mike (Shades) without you this wouldnt be an almost happened to me itd be a did happen to me.