I'm so sick of this. I knew my depression would come back and it did...despite the medication bipolar is bipolar and eventually I was bound to crash...it felt so good to think I might be okay for the rest of my life. No more days where everything is heavy, all my limbs drag, the bell jar descends over my head and the fog rolls in...where all of my senses are dulled...where all my actions are difficult and nothing gets done. No one wants to date or befriend a sad person. I know the depression is back the way a woman knows she's pregnant from the first moment her egg is fertilized. Suddenly all the chemicals are rearranged. The entire mental framework is restructured. It's uncanny. Depressed is when my normal state of drug craving escapism wilts into listless pain. Too sad to even bother escaping. Can't even lift the bottle of booze. So so scared that tomorrow will bring the same point of view. Not getting out of the house until after 4 in the afternoon. I pray to God that this doesn't happen again. I have plans and a 5 month downward spiral will bring me back to where I'd started. I am so scared.