Ideas & Opinions The Benefits of Being Single

LonelyHiker

Incidental aka FairWeather™
SF Supporter
Not worrying if someone's cheating on you..apparently thats an extremely common thing with relationships. It's all I hear people fighting about..
Cheating/infidelity, whether or not it involves a physical relationship, is something I've always absolutely abhorred. A former friend of mine engaged in a long term affair while his (now deceased) wife was being treated for cancer. It was with a coworker at the law firm where they were both employed. She ( his wife) only found out when they were both (much deservedly) fired once the senior partners found out about it due to their carelessness. I sincerely believe her death was hastened due to his betrayal.

I've never personally been betrayed this way in a relationship, and thankfully never will be.

Once a cheater, aways a cheater..
 

LonelyHiker

Incidental aka FairWeather™
SF Supporter
No one asking you where you've been and being suspicious that you're with another person. 🙄
Hey, pathological jealousy and paranoia are almost as bad as infidelity, so I hear you Lane! I once dated someone who hated that I had a lot of female friends. Needless to say, that relationship was shortlived!
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
Hey, pathological jealousy and paranoia are almost as bad as infidelity, so I hear you Lane! I once dated someone who hated that I had a lot of female friends. Needless to say, that relationship was shortlived!
I'm dating someone now that has me baffled. It's really just plain old insecurity I guess. Saying I never have to worry about another guy bothering me, etc. I never really worried before. It's very hard out there. But that's why...it's better being single!
 

Kira

•✮• SF Gelfling •✮•
SF Creative
SF Artist
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
There won't be anyone to act like they want a future with you when they're actually just stringing you along.
I think that some people are so empty (or bored) that it's easy for them to create an illusion rather than to live in the real world where they feel numb or unimportant. They want to feel alive so they create a "relationship" because relationships are an exciting distraction!

The only problem is, for us, is that we don't know that we're a part of this fantasy life that will never actually come to fruition.

Some people have good intentions but just don't realise what they've signed up for or they work out that you two aren't a good match. These sorts of relationships usually end quite amicably.

However, there are others who are just downright manipulative (and/or narcissistic) and they intentionally do it to fill that insatiable need to have control over something/ someone. Once they can't keep the fantasy alive (for whatever reason) or they just get "bored" with it all, they'll move on and most likely find a new target (victim) and repeat the cycle again.

If it's the latter, there's a high chance that they are a "love bomber" and need to be avoided at all costs. If you do want to be in a relationship and have a future with someone, then please do some research on these types of people. If you see some red flags, which aren't hard to miss, then run away and don't look back. Trust me, you'll save yourself a LOT of heartache and misery.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

🦄🦜🧁🌈🌝💖
SF Supporter
I think that some people are so empty (or bored) that it's easy for them to create an illusion rather than to live in the real world where they feel numb or unimportant. They want to feel alive so they create a "relationship" because relationships are an exciting distraction!

The only problem is, for us, is that we don't know that we're a part of this fantasy life that will never actually come to fruition.

Some people have good intentions but just don't realise what they've signed up for or they work out that you two aren't a good match. These sorts of relationships usually end quite amicably.

However, there are others who are just downright manipulative (and/or narcissistic) and they intentionally do it to fill that insatiable need to have control over something/ someone. Once they can't keep the fantasy alive (for whatever reason) or they just get "bored" with it all, they'll move on and most likely find a new target (victim) and repeat the cycle again.

If it's the latter, there's a high chance that they are a "love bomber" and need to be avoided at all costs. If you do want to be in a relationship and have a future with someone, then please do some research on these types of people. If you see some red flags, which aren't hard to miss, then run away and don't look back. Trust me, you'll save yourself a LOT of heartache and misery.
It's happened more than once and it really bothers me that people can't just be upfront about their intentions. I ask people to be honest and open with me, but they can't even do that much. It makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort. I seem to attract certain types of people because I'm kind and caring, but I have to be able to protect myself as well.
 

Kira

•✮• SF Gelfling •✮•
SF Creative
SF Artist
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
I seem to attract certain types of people because I'm kind and caring, but I have to be able to protect myself as well.
I completely understand! Remember that I posted this in the Café a few days ago?
Weakness -
I'm a very naive, trusting and caring person (which makes me a perfect target to be used, walked over, taken for granted and manipulated)
So now, what we need to do is learn how to protect ourselves in the future.

For me, personally, it's very simple. I just stay single :D And I'm 110% fine with that. I'm an ace so being single is when I'm most comfortable. And it feels the most natural for me too.

However, because you'd like to have an SO, you need to find a way to connect with a genuine person without having to have your defensive walls up really high to protect yourself. How that's done? Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea. :(
 

Witty_Sarcasm

🦄🦜🧁🌈🌝💖
SF Supporter
I completely understand! Remember that I posted this in the Café a few days ago?

So now, what we need to do is learn how to protect ourselves in the future.

For me, personally, it's very simple. I just stay single :D And I'm 110% fine with that. I'm an ace so being single is when I'm most comfortable. And it feels the most natural for me too.

However, because you'd like to have an SO, you need to find a way to connect with a genuine person without having to have your defensive walls up really high to protect yourself. How that's done? Unfortunately, I have absolutely no idea. :(
I guess I just have to try and find someone who has my best interests at heart. I need to look at red flags head on and not let them go until things get out of hand. It's hard to be hurt, but it helps to know what to not accept in the future.
 

Kira

•✮• SF Gelfling •✮•
SF Creative
SF Artist
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
I guess I just have to try and find someone who has my best interests at heart. I need to look at red flags head on and not let them go until things get out of hand. It's hard to be hurt, but it helps to know what to not accept in the future.
Exactly right! Set up some boundaries at the beginning and don't waiver on them. You have every right to set up certain boundaries to protect yourself and no one has the right to argue.
 

LonelyHiker

Incidental aka FairWeather™
SF Supporter
Having just got back from a week-long camping trip in the mountains with my friend (who, like last year, brought his gf along), I felt compelled to respond here again.

NO DRUNKEN ARGUMENTS, MELTDOWNS, AND PETTY, BULLSHIT DRAMA!!!!

Thankfully, all this bullshit happened on the last day, although she still chattered (inane, senseless drivel) pretty much nonstop all week. Needless to say, I did a lot of solo hikes last week. The last straw? She tried to drag me into the middle of one of their stupid fucking arguments. I told her coldly, 'please don't drag me into this , I'm very happily single'....

From now on, I am traveling solo, which is my preference anyhow....All the best trips I've EVER taken were taken ALONE.


Live and learn!
 

LonelyHiker

Incidental aka FairWeather™
SF Supporter
Oh, and this one bears repeating, considering some of the posts I've seen elsewhere here recently:

NO ONE WILL CHEAT ON YOU, EMOTIONALLY OR OTHERWISE!!!
 
Having just got back from a week-long camping trip in the mountains with my friend (who, like last year, brought his gf along), I felt compelled to respond here again.

NO DRUNKEN ARGUMENTS, MELTDOWNS, AND PETTY, BULLSHIT DRAMA!!!!

Thankfully, all this bullshit happened on the last day, although she still chattered (inane, senseless drivel) pretty much nonstop all week. Needless to say, I did a lot of solo hikes last week. The last straw? She tried to drag me into the middle of one of their stupid fucking arguments. I told her coldly, 'please don't drag me into this , I'm very happily single'....

From now on, I am traveling solo, which is my preference anyhow....All the best trips I've EVER taken were taken ALONE.


Live and learn!

Yikes - that sounds awful. So sorry your trip was marred by that.
 

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