I was hoping that college life would be a turn for the better, but so far things haven't changed. I've always had a horrible time making friends, and it is no different here. I tried looking for clubs to meet new people, but none of them are interesting. I haven't drank since July, haven't been invited to a party, and have had no luck at all with meeting girls. Hell, I doubt many of the girls would want to be with a guy that has to shave his head to hid his receding hairline. Physical activity would be nice, but the discs in my back keep fucking up, so I'm screwed there as well. The only reason I'm even alive right now is because of how much it would hurt my mom, sisters, and grandmother if I killed myself. I'm already on anti-depression and anxiety medications along with the painkillers that I have to take for my pinched nerve. I take extra pills sometime to improve my mood, however so slightly, and get my mind off of dying. I'm so sick of trying and I can't get my mind off of the rope that I have on the top shelf.