the best thing I could do right now

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theleastofthese, Apr 28, 2008.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    would be to die. I am nothing and no one. I am poison. I am a mistake. I hate myself. I'm beginning to think that it would be better for my kids and my beloved dogs if I weren't around.
  2. Amadeo

    Amadeo Guest

    If you die, I'll kill myself, slap you round the face, drag you back to earth and throw you back into your body.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't know what is going on to give you these intense feelings leastofthese, but I can assure you that you are something, someone. Your children and beloved animals would not be better off without you. They need your guidance, love and support to carry them through. I sit back and think of all the wonderful work you have done to save all those strays. How many animals lives have been better because you took the time to care for and love them when nobody else would. You have a special place in many peoples hearts just because you are you. We all have times we don't like ourselves. It is at these times we need to take a step back and view ourselves through the eyes of others. Trust me when I tell you that you have a beautiful soul. There is never a doubt in my mind about that. You are needed. You are loved. :hug:
  4. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    REality is giving me these feelings. I'm realizing that nothing I do or say or can be is any good. I'm too cowardly to kill myself but if I'm lucky the steering will go out on the car and take care of my 'problems'.
  5. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    That forum link you posted will probably really help my mom. So you helped her. And I want to thank you for that. You do good things. No one is perfect, though. Everyone makes mistakes.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You have supported me more times than I can count. Your sense of reality is a bit skewed right now. I don't think you realize how many living things you have helped in even the short time we have gotten to know each other. Cut yourself some slack Sooz. You deserve a break too. :hug:
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Whatever has brought this on, and it better not be that damned DUI, I'd come over and hug it away if I could :sad:
    Remember you have friends even if we are miles apart :hug:
  8. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It was partly that and partly a conversation with a family member. Depressed awfully bad today. hardly any sleep the last two days. Sick of being unemployed, sick of not being able to find a job and pay my bills, sick of not being able to financially care for my dogs. the one dog is now lame from a knee injury and I can't afford the surgery to repair her knee so she'll be lame in in pain and discomfort for the rest of her life. The other dog is now completely blind from diabetes-related cataracts in both eyes. I couldn't afford the cataract surgery to restore his sight even if we had a vet in our area that could do it.

    Too many other things are going on now to feel comfortable with myself. I have no means to deal with everything and just wish I could disappear. I can't trust myself to do the right thing or to be a decent person. I am overwhelmed and exhausted and just wish it would all go away. Im sorry to be such a burden to everyone.:sad:
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dear least, you are far from a burden hun. Sorry so many things are happening all at once, seems that is the only way things can happen! And yes it's too much. But dont forget your friends here. We need you as much as you need us. Let us atleast be here for you when you need to vent and get it off your chest. Sorry it's the best we can do but we are here for you.
  10. ari

    ari Staff Alumni

    sooz...I don't think it woud be the best thing..I am sorry you are in a rough spot right now...keep talking to us, talk to us about what is getting you to this point...just be here with us...please..I for one need you
  11. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I was able to get a lot of sleep, yesterday and last nite, so I feel some better. Still depressed as hell over situations I can't control.

    Thank you all for caring. My friends here have pulled me back from the edge more times than I remember. I love you all, even when I don't love myself.

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