I have to be the biggest failure on here by far. Without going in to detail I can pretty much guarantee it. Let me start by saying I'm not here to throw a pity party or go on about my problems. Nor is comparing suffering ever really done with any accuracy. Maybe I'm crazy to still have some hope and faith(albeit faint) things will get better and that it will all work out relatively okay in the end. Death can't be that much worse then what my life has become, however I really don't want to hurt my family anymore then I have already but I have become a burden to them, and how would my son feel never knowing his dad or having memories he would most likely hate me for abandoning him, or being such a failure to have enemies have him as a "marked man". It's almost unbelievable to think of all of the mistakes I've made. I've been through my share of adversity physical, mental, and emotional suffering more then most people could imagine. I remember being told as a boy by a friends mother how i was so negative, and she's was/is right to some degree I am, however when things just go wrong over and over again largely due to my mistakes and on multiple occasions not going with my gut and thinking "maybe I'm wrong"it only made that problem worse. I recall one friend saying if she worried as much as I do she would have killed herself a long time ago. This was three years ago(when overall things were much better) when I was going through some intense physical pain for a few months with no cure in sight. Luckily someone was able to help me(a doctor) and I got the proper treatment for that strange skin disorder/infection(that a few other doctors had no clue about) I have never met this girl to this day as she does not live near be but I recall lying in bed thinking positive about her wishing her happiness and for things to go well for her. Despite adversity if you can find some hope, love and kindness not only for yourself but for others it can help you overcome things you never knew you could. I'll leave you with a good read about J.K. Rowlings Graduation speech at Harvard from 2008. http://recruit-ong.blogspot.com/2010/10/jk-rowling-is-creator-of-famous-harry.html A couple quotes from that speech I'll leave on here as a teaser or for those who choose not to read the article. "What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy." "Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places. Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise. And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know."