The biggest failure on SF

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wanteddead, May 8, 2011.

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  1. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    I have to be the biggest failure on here by far. Without going in to detail I can pretty much guarantee it.

    Let me start by saying I'm not here to throw a pity party or go on about my problems. Nor is comparing suffering ever really done with any accuracy.

    Maybe I'm crazy to still have some hope and faith(albeit faint) things will get better and that it will all work out relatively okay in the end. Death can't be that much worse then what my life has become, however I really don't want to hurt my family anymore then I have already but I have become a burden to them, and how would my son feel never knowing his dad or having memories he would most likely hate me for abandoning him, or being such a failure to have enemies have him as a "marked man".

    It's almost unbelievable to think of all of the mistakes I've made. I've been through my share of adversity physical, mental, and emotional suffering more then most people could imagine.

    I remember being told as a boy by a friends mother how i was so negative, and she's was/is right to some degree I am, however when things just go wrong over and over again largely due to my mistakes and on multiple occasions not going with my gut and thinking "maybe I'm wrong"it only made that problem worse.

    I recall one friend saying if she worried as much as I do she would have killed herself a long time ago. This was three years ago(when overall things were much better) when I was going through some intense physical pain for a few months with no cure in sight. Luckily someone was able to help me(a doctor) and I got the proper treatment for that strange skin disorder/infection(that a few other doctors had no clue about) I have never met this girl to this day as she does not live near be but I recall lying in bed thinking positive about her wishing her happiness and for things to go well for her.

    Despite adversity if you can find some hope, love and kindness not only for yourself but for others it can help you overcome things you never knew you could.

    I'll leave you with a good read about J.K. Rowlings Graduation speech at Harvard from 2008.

    A couple quotes from that speech I'll leave on here as a teaser or for those who choose not to read the article.

    "What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy."

    "Unlike any other creature on this planet, humans can learn and understand, without having experienced. They can think themselves into other people’s places.

    Of course, this is a power, like my brand of fictional magic, that is morally neutral. One might use such an ability to manipulate, or control, just as much as to understand or sympathise.

    And many prefer not to exercise their imaginations at all. They choose to remain comfortably within the bounds of their own experience, never troubling to wonder how it would feel to have been born other than they are. They can refuse to hear screams or to peer inside cages; they can close their minds and hearts to any suffering that does not touch them personally; they can refuse to know."
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    im sure im a bigger failure than you. keep moving ahead.
  3. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i'm the failiure on here- no questions asked

    i don't want to live, yet i keep on posting wasting all the valuable time of the other members
  4. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Damnit, I'm not gonna fail yet again to be the biggest failure on here. I'm the loser not you.

  5. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    If you guys only knew everything that's happened in my life and the position right I'm in right now I'm pretty you'd give me award hands down without a second thought.

    It's only natural to think one's problems are worse then others(or that your a bigger failure) because at the end of the day you only really know yourself and your own failures.

    Also I don't doubt you guys feel like failures but I honestly think I'f someone objectively looked without a bias opinion writing down everything I'd get the award. It's messed too because I have good intentions and mean very well, I only wanted to be happy but things just caught up with me I guess. Again I'm not trying to put your problems or failures down at all by saying I'm the biggest failure on here.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2011
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm sure alot of people equally if not more feel like bigger failures than each other.I only do sympathize with you I feel and have felt like the same way,I'm 36 and am nothing have no qualifications,not good at anything never really have been and I can go on.But at the same time I've never walked other peoples shoes.
  7. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    At least something happened to you, sadly not good things I guess. Nothing ever happened to me. I don't really know which is worse...
  8. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    The thing is I have not only failed myself I've failed my family, friends, and even strangers. I don't want others to carry the burden or suffer from my mistakes.

    But to be fair the world has also failed me, people just had to seek revenge and toy with someone in a weakened state. Sociopaths can be relentless in their games they want to defeat you so they can feel power and that they've "won".

    I'm sorry about that ace at the same time I suspect you've overcome lot's of stuff others haven't so in a way you've succeeded. Other struggles they could never imagine or conquer. I guess it depends on the definition.

    Like the lyrics from one song "No man alive has witnessed struggles I've survived"
  9. Wanteddead

    Wanteddead Account Closed

    It depends how much those bad things are effecting your life now and how they will effect yours and others your care about.

    I think I understand where you're coming from for a good 3-4 years I basically did nothing myself and when I opened up only bad things happened. I took chance after chance and got burned over and over, it messed with my head. I lost trust and faith in humanity which is never a good thing but when your closed off for so long and bad things happen when you do open up it can be hard not to. I felt if others didn't care about me why should I care so much about them, making my share of mistakes on the way as well.

    You have to take some chances but make sure their wise and calculated ones, give the world a chance join a group of some sort, possible a sports group, surround yourself with people in an area you're interested in, ones that will help you learn and grow.
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry as I said I don't know what it's like to have walked yours or anyone elses shoes.I doubt I could say I've succeeded to me I think I've let down people unintentionally,as in your case people have also let you down and I don't think for one minute you've intentionally meant to hurt anyone.I totally understands it sucks like shit when you feel you've let down alot of people,I've felt guilt my whole life or most of it anyway.

    I have a fair few conditions so dealing with them is quite hard so to say and I feel I've put people out of their way having to live with these.Anyway I feel for you my friend it must hurt feeling the way you do I'm sure it does and I know from a part of me it does as well.I wish I could say,do anything to make you feel better but it's not easy of course as we all know no need to just say the same old shit hey.
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