the blade sits ready

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by mixedemotions, Feb 13, 2009.

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  1. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    the blade is there by my side,
    its smooth side shines in the light,
    dying to be used,
    do leave a red line on my skin,
    to cut deep,
    deeper than ever before,
    why does it want to hurt me so much,
    why do i want it to hurt me?
    why did i get it out...
    i knew it would only end in one thing...

    i knew the urges would get stronger if i could see it,
    but deep down i want to feel the pain,
    to make it all seem real,
    why did he choose me,
    why me?
    i wasn't the prettiest,
    i wasn't the oldest
    i wasn't the youngest
    i wasn't the thinnest
    i was just me, little innocent me...

    why me?
    i want the blade to run across my skin
    i want to see the blood pour down my wrists

    i want to cut so bad
     
  2. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: please stay strong hun. :hug:
    i know how hard the temptations are,
    and i know how you feel about some
    one picking "innosent you", i feel the
    same way about someone who i went
    out with once upon a time :hug:
     
  3. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    the blade has moved closer to me,
    the urges are to much
    the cuts need to be done.

    i need to move on
     
  4. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: please throw the blade away hun.
    don't do this to yourself.
    youre going to feel worse after the job is done
    please stay strong.
     
  5. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    i got rid of them all,
    all but one. and i hid it away
    it took me half an hour to find it.
    but i just have to do this.
    the urges are to strong now.

    deep down i know it will only make things worse,
    but the feeling of being real for a matter of minutes,
    its worth the scars

    fuck i need to stop this but its so hard.
    i need to feel real. i need to make sure this isnt all a dream
     
  6. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    please throw the blade away that you have right now.
    please
    chuck it outside your window or flush it down the toilet
    please dont cut :hug:
    you dont have to
    i know how strong urges can get
    but it isnt worth cutting in the end
    think about how you will feel after you do it
    i know its tough but you can get through this :hug:
     
  7. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    i need to get away from all this.
    i cant cope any more.
    its all to much
    ive tried all my other coping methods.
    this is all thats left
     
  8. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    i've never cut myself in my entire life before. how does cutting urself make one feel better? does it make u feel more alive or is it the localized pain that makes u lose focus on your problems? does cutting yourself up solve ur problems? can someone pls explain?
     
  9. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    it makes me feel real. as though i actually have some thing to cry about. no one can see my emotional pain but they see the physical. people begin to understand.

    it doesnt help the problem, just makes them go away for a short time.

    its hard to explain, but once that urge is there, it doesnt wanna go away until you've done it.
     
  10. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    is it a cry for help?
     
  11. mixedemotions

    mixedemotions Forum Buddy

    not really. well i dont think so. i try not to let people see them. i dont know how to explain it.

    as i was saying earlier. its like. if some one asked why i was so upset... and i had no other option or idea to think of i could say,
    i hurt my self.. its better bad. i didnt do it on purpose.

    they would understand why i was cryin if i was physically hurt
     
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