The bottle

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Raven, Dec 13, 2011.

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  1. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Sobriety is hell of a thing; you climb in a bottle so you don’t have to see yourself anymore.
    When you get out of the bottle you find that all the old things coming rushing back to you. I want to go crawling back for another drink; I know I tend to drink enough to stun the average mule (thank you Mr. Hitchens for putting it so nicely I hope you do not mind me stealing it.

    I find it still that a fundamental part of me is broken, something gone wrong with the wiring. That when it comes to interacting with people on more than a superficial level that I truly don’t have the skills. I have always found a couple of drinks go a long way to making it far easier to talk or be around people.

    Whatever problems I have faced in life I have had to figure out on my own. But with this, I don’t think I really care, 1 or 2 bottles of scotch to get me through the week and then a couple cases of beer on the weekend.

    I find it helps me to sleep, to not thing at night of having yet another day to rise and shine to, that for a small amount of time I don’t have to deal with anything, I can sit back with a bottle and forget about the world.

    I would love nothing more than to sit with a bottle tonight.
  2. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter


    Been there. I actually got mad that being sober didn't solve all my problems. I was like damm all these other aa/na peeps seem happy why not me.

    I had to do the therapy thing and work on why I was broken.

    I am still working on that one.

    Just wanted to let you know we are here for you.

    You know how to find me if you would like a chat, or you are always welcome to send forum pm

    I hope you have a good night.
  3. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Three days sober, it leaves one to time to think clearly, I burned all my letters I keep in the event one night the temptation is to strong.

    I have been trying to re-write them so they are up to date, but the words are not coming easy.

    I kept trying to write something else to post here, I am not sure I will ever make it, starring yourself in the mirror is a hard thing.
  4. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Congrats on the three days!

    Sometimes it is hard for me to drop the mask and write true words about myself. The mirror can be a scary place!

    Keep posting and let us know how you are, can also pm me or, as you know, I am a chat dweller lol

  5. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    i hear you there,in the last few years whiskey became my drink of choice and it goes down like water.I'd get myself a litre of whiskey and still be pouring myself drinks as the sun came up.Well done with the three days,any day without a drink is a victory,its been two weeks for me coz i almost poisoned myself by using it to wash down various items and i felt chronically ill for three days after.Now im kind of fighting the thirst for it again.
    Anyways more power to ya,Take Care and good luck fighting the good fight
  6. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    ((Raven)) three days without is outstanding.. now just to keep going with this string.. i am a former drunk and been clean except for my one coors beer a day for over 32 yrs.. did that for my disabled son johnny.

    Raven it gets easier the longer you go without.. know the desire to drink to just get away and turn brain, heart off just cause is very unccomrtable to be with me and all the thoughts and places i travel into.

    therapy with a competant professional has helped me a lot. do not know your past doings and what is current situation of yours.. trying to say therapy may help you also.. tc, Jim
  7. Raven

    Raven Guest

    Three days, that is all I made it, not enough to get drunk but enough. I still have what I wanted to post here but I think it will sit for a while and maybe forever it shall live in limbo.

    I have no idea how to make it trough the next couple of weeks, their seems no time to sit and and reflex in a nice quite room by myself. Tell people Sunday is your hide in the hole from the world day and they are convinced that's a good time to drag you back out kicking and screaming back into it.

    Thanks for everyone's supporting words.

  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sounds like it is time for a trip to the mountains. Remember my PM box is always open. I am also only a text or call away if you need. You will get through this Raven. I still have faith in you even when you don't.
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