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the burden of protecting the ones you love

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meeko1004

Well-Known Member
#1
My mom can't handle my depression very well. At this point, I think it would be more efficient and easier on me if I just lied to her and pretended that I am doing much better and am so much happier etc etc and tell her everything she wants to hear.
I'm used to being honest with my mom and being able to talk to her about most things.
but this is one thing that I don't think she can handle anymore.
it's hard. once i start lying to her, i'm pretty sure it'll feel like losing that relationship.
but i can't take care of myself if i'm always worrying about her and trying to take care of her emotional breakdowns...
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
I think we all do this up to a point, I know I do.
It's natural to want to protect those we care about and eases the feeling of being a burden.
How about keeping her informed so you can talk but hold back the worst of it and post it here where we can take the strain?
That way mum won't worry herself to death but you will still have an outlet.
 

meeko1004

Well-Known Member
#3
i guess i'm not quite sure how to walk that line yet.
at this point, i think my mom knows enough to continue feeling burdened until she is sure i am out of the woods. it really freaked her out when she realized what the scars on my thighs meant.
i'm not sure there is a compromise b/w telling her enough but not too much. i tend to get carried away when i start having a heart to heart.
a part of me knows its better to just protect her and continue fighting this on my own.
but another part of me wishes she was stronger... i could really use someone on my side right about now...
 

Mr Stewart

Well-Known Member
#4
I have an embarrassingly extensive history of lying for this purpose, so here's my take:

Shielding someone from your problems with lies does not usually have the desired effect of keeping them happy and not worried about you. No matter how proficient you are at twisting the truth, people who know you well enough to care about you will realize that things don't add up. They will know you're hiding something and this will cause them to be just as concerned, if not moreso, than if you had just told the truth to begin with.

Now that isn't to say there isn't some value in partial truths. Saying, "I'm depressed" instead of "I'm so depressed I want to die" seems like a reasonably harmless lie of omission, to me.

In your case, you could maybe notch it back a little. Try not to dump every metric tonne of baggage upon her all in one go, or something. Please don't pretend that you've made a major recovery though. She'll know you aren't being honest with her and this will hurt her quite a lot.

Take care meeko. Good luck. :hug:
 
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