Hello everyone. So, I'm Friend, I'm 30 years old and male. I'm here because I have a physical disability (severe chronic low back pain with arthritis - but get no disability money), I have a mental disability (brain damage from past suicide attempts and drug addictions, as well as PTSD and major depression/anxiety from life - no disability money for this either), and because I've recently, in the last five years lost all the faith that I had in God and have become an agnostic-atheist (which isn't a very good place to be at in my honest opinion). So I am no longer mentally, physically, or spiritually sound. Maybe I hope that life were too idealistic at times, maybe it's my opinion that any life lived short of Heaven On Earth is a life simply not worth living, let alone to be mentally, physically, and spiritually all screwed up, it's too exhausting and completely heart-breaking on a daily basis. So to me the only thing that makes sense now is to exit, you can even safely say that I am obsessed with exiting. If we were to compare that to a tree then those things could be considered my roots at this point, and there's a whole bunch of bad branches and fruits that have sprung out from that lethal (in my opinion) combination, but I'm too tired to go into the branches and veins on each leaf. In addition, I also know that there isn't any "quick fix" for my problems. I know that we're just typing back and forth to one another, but let's keep in mind that there is a real person on the other side of that text; I find that I need to remind myself of that pretty often. So that's why I'm here at Mad-Season, and similiar to the angst of waiting at a bus station by oneself nervously awaiting a long trip, I hope to share and listen to other people's stories, people who might be catching the bus at around this same time as me. I admit I am sorry for being here.