I'm not sure really what to say. I've been sitting here mostly numb all day. Alternating numb, angry and devastated. My family is really close, we still live near each other and spend more time with each other than anyone else. My dad got cancer last spring. The family pretty much fell apart. We treated it though, he had surgery and on monday they told us everything was ok and we didn't have to worry anymore. Today I found out that they found another more aggressive form of it. They never looked beyond the one cancer until now and found a separate one. My family was just putting itself together again and in one totally unexpected day we've fallen apart. It makes me so angry that we have to do it all again. The last one set my depression off quite badly again. I had been doing fairly well but now I'm not and don't know how I can fix it. The past half year has just destroyed me, all the things I worked so hard to fix are right back to where they were. I want to die but I can't be that selfish right now. I keep telling everyone I'm fine when really I'm doing things that none of them could know. I have to be good for them they can't deal with me not being good now. I just wish there was somebody to save me.