The calm before the storm

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by freefalling, Dec 1, 2008.

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  1. freefalling

    freefalling Active Member

    Right now I feel very much at ease.It is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.Over the past number of weeks I have been building up to this night and now that its here I am quite relieved.I have emptied my soul over the last day or two with poetry (very loose definition) that I have written in the last number of weeks to help me in coming to this decision.
    The final piece was the note for my partner which I have now completed trying to explain why all our lives (well mine if I'm honest ) will be better off if I just take the final plunge and end my life.She is aware that something is not right but at this stage she is probably too scared to ask.
    She has now gone up to bed with our two great children and left me to my own devices.Leaving my wonderful boys is the hardest part but I pray that some day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me.
    I would like to wish everyone here all the best in their future battles and that they find the courage to fight on,unfortunately a trait that I myself surrendered along time ago.
  2. HarleyTwin

    HarleyTwin Staff Alumni

    Please, freefalling. Stay with us. You can beat this and we will be here for you every step of the way. You write such beautiful poetry, and that is a talent you should hold onto.

    You mentioned you have children, they are going to miss their father. And I would so much like to get to know you better. Us being both new here and all.

    Please, FF. Talk and rant all you need to here. ((HUGS))
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hey freefalling. Please reconsider what you are going to do. There is always another way. There are always things to hold onto. You've got a wife and two boys who even if one day they can understand are still going to have their lives shattered. You can beat these feelings. Best wishes.S.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey freefalling,

    Please don't do it. Your children will miss you so much.Imagine how hard it's going to be on your wife especially raising two children as well. Please reconsider.. :hug:
  5. Nicole_O91

    Nicole_O91 Active Member

    Please please don't do this. You said yourself you have two wonderful sons, they will forever be traumatised by your suicide. Why would you even want to have them find it in their hearts to forgive you? If you give up everything now, give up your dignity, your pride - get the help you so greatly need, you can be a family and your boys will be a lot less affected by knowing their dad had the courage to get help he needed than knowing that he gave up. Even if you feel you have nothing left to get out of life, your sons and your wife do.
    I hope and pray that you reconsider. This thread has really touched me and I feel for you, I do, I've been there a number of times, but there is ALWAYS help and there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel.
  6. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    please hang in there.

    Your children will wonder why you have gone. They would miss their dad.
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi freefalling. Your boys will never forgive you or forget that their dad committed suicide. If you go through with this, this will change you're loved one's lives forever. They will carry the hurt of your loss for the rest of their lives. Please don't do this to yourself or to them. Try your best to get help. Talk to your wife. Maybe she can help? Please don't give up. :hug:
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I certainly have no right to tell you what you should consider or rethink. But I think I can relate extremely well to what you are battling right now. I have 4 children that are going to be facing the same battles as yours. I'm not going to go into my own demons and story. But if you need one thing to think about it is those kids. Please be certain that you have explored every possible avenue that is available to you before you do this. Pdocs, therapists, support groups, medications, your minister if you attend church, your best friend, crisis lines, a little more time and support from the members here or anything that might be able to help you past this pain. I dont know your situation and I'm not going to pretend I do. But I do share the pain and guilt your are dealing with at this very moment regarding those precious children. Just please remember, no matter what you have done for them in their lives to this point, if you go through with this, it is what they are going to live with for the rest of theirs. If you want to talk or anything please pm me. I dont want to be a hypocrite but I am going to ask you to really reconsider this please. You have two children that will be very grateful if you do.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Freefalling,
    The others are right, those boys need a daddy. Sure your wife can raise them alone. But a boy actually needs a dad to talk things over with and to learn from so he grows into a good person. Step dads are over rated in my book. I have yet met one who 100% loves the child.
    I include myself in that category. I raised my fiance's two boys who were twelve and fifteen when I met her. I tried my darndest to teach them values and to grow to be good people. It didn't work they were frigging animals because they were never disiplined. There dad hung out in the garage all the time getting drunk and high. And my exfiance set in the kitchen and got drunk everynight. So the boys just ran ape shit around the house.
    Now do you want your boys to turn out like that? They need there dad!!!~Joseph~
  10. freefalling

    freefalling Active Member

    I wish to thank you all for all your kind words and as you have guessed,I could not do it to my boys.After crying for 2 hours I done something that I never done before,I went up stairs and asked my partner for help and guidance.She was horrified and distraught that I would even consider leaving them all their own and we are going to fight threw this.
    While sitting and crying on my own for hours the words of one of my counsellors kept running through my head..
    "As an adult you can do whatever you want to yourself and no-one can stop you.But it is wrong and totaly immoral to purposely hurt the father of your children who will have to live with that for the rest of their lives".
    I know that I have a whole lot of demons to sort out in my head but I am now hoping that I can do it in away that my kids can look back on in years to come and feel a sense of pride and not feel let down by the person who was meant to show them a good example in life.
    So once gain I sincerely thank you all and I hope some day I can do the same for you.
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Freefalling,
    That is great. We couldn't ask for a better christmas present than knowing you will be part of there lives. I am applauding you. I know you can't hear it!!!(haha). I am very proud of you so should you be for yourself!!!Talk to you later!!~Joseph~
  12. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    This post made my day. I am so happy for you and proud of you. You did what is best for you and your family.:biggrin:
  13. Nicole_O91

    Nicole_O91 Active Member

    The night I read this thread and replied to it, I couldn't sleep from thinking about you. Sorry if that sounds weird. I was so worried and it was going over and over in my head. You have no idea how glad I am that you are being so strong and brave enough to face your demons head on. Well done. <3 I wish you all the luck in the world with your recovery, you have a strong family network that'll be a constant stupport, best wishes.
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