hi. recently I have just started to feel like a clown to everybody. no one really takes me seriously. i'm quirky. everyone likes to laugh at me, but at the end of the day i'm not really seen as a true human being. i feel so degraded. i don't really make jokes i just am a joke. plus i'm always on medication so I'm like hazy like a drug addict every day. lecturers at university look at me funny, they smile when they see me as if i am different from other people. i don't want to be different. i don't want to be a freak. but i know i am. A freak of nature. i'm getting more and more work at the university but i can't study...the whole time i just ask myself: why am I still here? Why am I studying? Society will never really understand or like me. Plus i live in a world full of evil people, it depresses me so, yet ironically people always treat me as if I am a serial killer or something. A genius once said to me "you must hate the world". And I was too shocked to answer back. so i just sat there. i just can't explain to people that i don't want to hurt them. i want to love them. so after this person said this to me i decided WHAT THE HECK, I might as well treat people like trash cuz they expect me to. Then I treated the person i love like crap and the person was so disturbed. the one thing he liked about me was my goodness. now he is gone, thinks I'm crazy, thinks I hate everyone. My wrists scream to be cut.