The crap that is life Lol!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iammehaha2, Dec 22, 2010.

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  1. iammehaha2

    iammehaha2 New Member

    So, I had a terrible childhood, got massively abused psychologically to the point of spending every day alone in a bathroom crying just to escape. Growing up I overcame my problems and accomplished many things, my life is fine right now, but inside I'm still the kid sitting in the closet and I hate my entire life. I'm gay and all I've ever wanted is someone decent to be with, but I honestly think at this time in America it will not happen and all I'll be met with is prejudice and people who are more fucked up then me even when less has happened to them. The world is horrific and the people in it largely idiotic like sheep, myself included. I have kept myself going for so long letting myself believe in nonsense, and I challenge the people of the board to say something to me that isn't a copy and paste job from your local suicide prevention hot line.

    P.S. Feel free to msg me or ask for more details if you want them.
  2. iammehaha2

    iammehaha2 New Member

    Or don't respond. That's cool too.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey, welcome to SF. Sorry to hear that you're hurting so much, but on the bright side, Obama just signed a bill allowing openly gay people to serve in the army, so that's progress. You can always come up to Canada and check out our gay pride parades. Don't give up man. :hug:
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey obama just repealed don't ask don't tell... that's gotta be worth something in the fight against the bigots, right? i don't know where you live but things are much better for glbtq people in big cities. i lived in nyc for 11 years and it was an amazing place to be a lesbian. very accepting. i hope you can find yourself living somewhere as accepting as that one day.

    you say things are good for you now, but you are on a forum for suicidal people. are you struggling with thoughts of hurting yourself? long after the trauma of our crappy childhoods is over the damage lingers on. a good trauma therapist can help. have you had the opportunity to talk things over with a professional? it can really help. you might hear the same thing from the crisis line but i only got a handle on my suicidal feelings once i started dealing the after effects of being abused.

    welcome to SF and hope you keep posting.
  5. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I don't think the problem is that you're gay and facing prejudice. I think you're externalising on that because its easier than facing the real problem. The real problem is the small child sitting in a closet inside you.
    You overcame all your childhood issues and accomplished a lot despite them and you're justifyably proud of that. So it's a big shock to recognise the child is back because she shouldn't be there anymore.
    I think you've been triggered by the appalling bigotry facing the LGBT community. You have legitimate concerns. You're allowing the small child to react instead of you though. You're an intelligent capable woman who has overcome much and achieved a lot. Bigotry isn't going to slow you down. You'll learn to avoid the bigots and build your social circle with good people instead.
    The little girl inside you isn't any of those things. She frightened, can't see any way out and can only see the negative. Those are the reactions that you're using to deal with homophobia. You're completely forgetting that it isn't going to be the little girl who deals with homophobia, it will be the grown up, intelligent, capable woman.
    Of course, this is just my opinion and may be completely wrong in which case feel free to ignore me and tell me to go away. If you want to discuss it further though, then I'm more than happy to do so here or in a pm.
    Stay strong, you can get through this and the world needs people like you, not the homophobic bigots.
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