The curse of life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tired eric, May 17, 2007.

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  1. tired eric

    tired eric Member

    I am so envious of many of your here. I so want to die and I wish I had the courage to do it they way I want to end. I could do it easily physically, without question I would love to, but as miserable as my life is, I am the primary means of financial support for my ex and very young daughter. I know without the paycheck of the job I hate more than anything, they would not be able to make ends meet. So I have put this off for so long, day by day getting though even as each day brought more pain.

    So I kept facing another day in hell, praying something will happen to me so that my life insurance will take over that cause. I never used my seat belt and drove fast, not with anyone else on the road, hoping I could just jerk the wheel enough to make sure it is a fatal wreck. I have recently planned a gun cleaning accident I think is more likely to be successful.

    I have tried to help some on here along the way with pms and emails, but I am afraid I no longer have anything to offer. I am not writing for support, help guidance or pity and I know the textbook answers that are deemed appropriate here, but please do not feel obligated.

    Yet, I cannot write a suicide note for obvious reasons so I suppose this is it. Next month, I would have been 38. Too long really, longer than many of the poor souls who suffer here as well. I have zero happiness in my day and nothing to look forward to. I will only say to the very few family I have...take care and I love you. I am glad you never will known my anguish this way and I am sure your healing will be somewhat easier because of it. I wanted to say goodbye here as well. I know many disappear here and we wonder if they made it, whatever their journey was.

    So take care of each other and I wish you freedom of the horrors that I have not been able to fight successfully.

    Be well...

  2. Jackson

    Jackson Guest

    Eric, please reconsider. Your daughter will never be able to replace you with anything else. I know you're suffering, but isn't there anything worth a little more time here?
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Who will look after your daughter? Don't you think this will destroy her?

    I know you're in pain, and I've been there myself. I've been so blinded by pain that it's easy to forget the ones in your life who love you the most.

    I talked myself out of suicide. I just took a step back from the brink and decided to take more risks with my life, but in a healthy way. For example, I finally went back to school.

    Think about using that dark pain more constructively. You're stronger than you think you are.
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