So I have this problem with my thoughts it's like if I'm not careful I'll obsess about something and I'll tear into myself. I have a hard time tell the difference between something that I think happened and something that actually happened I go crazy because of it and I'll tear into myself over it and call myself the worst things. I agonize over whatever it might be for a while and hate myself I sometimes feel like I'm locked in my own head with nothing but my own thoughts driving me mad. Inside my head it's like a heavy metal song scream always loud. I constantly argue with myself. I have actually talked to my own reflection as a coping mechanism as crazy as that sounds. It's like the line from Inception "The most resistant parasite is an idea." Typically it starts the same I fall off the wagon and I'm not a drug addict my addiction is porn and yes I know it sounds to stupid but it's like the snake that eats it's own tail as soon as I get that high my mind immediately goes to the dark places and I started hating and tearing into myself. For the longest time I struggled with these darker emotions to the point where it felt like they were all I could feel. I feel like a freak and a monster because I just want and keep wanting and it never ends! I know I'm nothing but a beast and I'm likely going to die alone. I sometimes think about letting the darkest take over and let the beast inside roam free. I don't even know where this darkness comes from it's always been in me in one form or another as a child it was anger, as a teenager lust, and now it's just each and every one of the seven. I just don't know why I bother fighting my addiction when it just always comes back and always finds away to tear me down. Make no mistake I may look calm but I am just always full of anger and frustration that I want to scream.