Well.....iv'e been discovered on my other addiction recovery site in my blogs.....i'm a month clean from 12 years or so of serious addiction, now i just drink.....i have schizophrenia......and PTSD from sexual abuse/physical abuse.....the depression has become unbearable.....iv'e tried before with some degree of success, but have been brought back from the abyss all three times. I'll spare the details. But i have reached the end.....this time there will be no errors.....i have no choice, if i go inpatient again, i'll walk out of there homeless.....that's how sick of me everyone is. I have my way out planned reasonably well......and ......well, i guess i'm hoping someone will talk me out of it. Even though i feel dead set on it.....being there before has left me fearful of winding up a vegetable if i fail.....and what will happen to my family, as cold shouldered as they may be. Without the pills that numbed my senses.......all i have left is hurt, and serious depression. I guess i wouldn't be here if i wasn't very set on doing this....and am grasping at straws as the human fight or flight condition is a powerful thing to ignore. Basically....i need some place to talk about it where i don't have to be afraid of someone calling crisis and couselling on me again.