The Darkness is Back.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by October, Apr 13, 2008.

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  1. October

    October Member

    Well.....iv'e been discovered on my other addiction recovery site in my blogs.....i'm a month clean from 12 years or so of serious addiction, now i just drink.....i have schizophrenia......and PTSD from sexual abuse/physical abuse.....the depression has become unbearable.....iv'e tried before with some degree of success, but have been brought back from the abyss all three times. I'll spare the details. But i have reached the end.....this time there will be no errors.....i have no choice, if i go inpatient again, i'll walk out of there homeless.....that's how sick of me everyone is. I have my way out planned reasonably well......and ......well, i guess i'm hoping someone will talk me out of it. Even though i feel dead set on it.....being there before has left me fearful of winding up a vegetable if i fail.....and what will happen to my family, as cold shouldered as they may be. Without the pills that numbed my senses.......all i have left is hurt, and serious depression. I guess i wouldn't be here if i wasn't very set on doing this....and am grasping at straws as the human fight or flight condition is a powerful thing to ignore. Basically....i need some place to talk about it where i don't have to be afraid of someone calling crisis and couselling on me again.
  2. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the late reply. I hope you didn't go through with it. :sad:
  3. weegee

    weegee Active Member

    please tell us what you feel comforartable with about your abuse and what happened in your life to cause this. we are all here to help and in some degree or anothewr we have all been where you where and most of us came out alive so you can as well.
  4. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    The darkness comes and goes, like the day and night. Just try to see if light makes you happy. Because if it doesnt, you are in trouble... I hope youll find the light again. I dont think Ill ever find it, so my hopes are with you.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad you came to this site and chose to post. You can find support here and perhaps even people that have been through similar situations.It helps to know you are not alone.
  6. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    We are all alone, but we are not alone.... :(
  7. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Hi, October. Your ambivalence indicates hope. That abyss must be a huge one because a lot of us have been in it and may be close to falling in again. The climb out is incredibly hard and painful. But the pain and effort do pay off in a new sense of peace and an acceptance of the healing power of the light. (For me, light is the light of God's love and care.) All I hope for is finding light for today.

  8. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    The fact that you poted here tells me that you can't die yet, we still care and I don't think any of us are sick if you.

    I hope you haven't done it.

    Virtual :hug:
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