The day I almost died...

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Suicidal~Soul, Dec 14, 2006.

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  1. Suicidal~Soul

    Suicidal~Soul Member

    Well when I was about 13 or 14...
    I hated my life.. and the world. I am 24 now and not much has changed
    expect now I get rid of everything and everyone who causes me any emotional problems...

    Well here is my suicide story....
    I was very sad and hated my life.. nothing ever went my way....
    things just went from bad to worse...
    So I tried to hang myself in a closet.. I got on my knees and use a rope or tie I think to lean on and cut off my air. I did this, just in case I wanted to back out at the last mintue.. which I did....

    When I started to lose my breathe and awareness.. I saw the grim reaper.. dressed in black.. he was in a dark portal, something like a dark vortex.. I really liked it.. I felt happy... there.. in the dark.. the place looks how i felt inside everday....

    But he held his hand out to me and smiled.. and then I got scared.. some how I was throw from the rope to stand up.. and I landed on my bed.. the world was spinning.. and flashing.. it was strange... I had almost died... everything pulsed... and seems to spin.. I then walked to the bathroom.. and just looked in the mirrior and said...."Im still alive"... as if I was happy to see myself.. I turned purple...

    Another time I almost died was when I had heart surgery... last year... I was going to not get it and just die.. that way it would be of natural causes.. but I took the god damm surgery.. only to make my mom happy.. since she did not want me to die....

    But what I don't understand is why they hell do people want me to live.. just to watch me suffer?
    people say hell comes after you die.. but hell is on earth now....

    So yeah this is my story... i do this thing now with my suicidal thoughts.I turn my thoughts an feeing of sadness. into ones of anger.. and power..
    I make write and sing songs about my feelings.. I project my anger onto that music.. and it makes me feel empowered....

    I also have an obession with making money and working.. I work all the time.. even online to make money... I know these things will not make me 100% happy.. but I found doing these things.. help me out alot...

    I like to write dark poetry.... fantasy poetry.. and sad love poetry....
    When I can express myself.. is when I am most happy.... which is why I am alone alot... the people around me don't understand me..only my fans do.. the ones who listen.and know the same feelings i know...



    Thanks for listening... i know I am crazy...
    but a phyco doc won't help me now....
    And I am stable enough to not get locked up..
    also i used to hate prozac.. I think it is why i tried to kill myself...

    thank you
     
  2. winter

    winter Well-Known Member

    Hi! I highly doubt that people want you to live to watch you suffer. They want you to live to experience, be productive, and make differences. If you were dead, you wouldn't have a chance @ any of that. You're obviously talented and have goals; don't throw them away. Your fans would be sad.
    I too sometimes think about hell being Earth.. but then why are some people so happy?
    Oh and you really saw the GRIM REAPER?! :blink: I hope it was a hallucination from what was happening. All in all, glad you lived! :cat:
     
  3. SuicideBoy

    SuicideBoy Well-Known Member

    The GRIM REAPER?? That's frigging awesome. Not to say that your trying to hang yourself was awesome, but damn, quite a story to tell. I jumped off the end of a peer once. I'd be too afraid to hang myself though, it sounds so painful. Stay alive, bro, you are a great man (or woman). Keep writing. Maybe you'd like to hear about some of my psychotic delusions during a couple of my psych ward visits?
     
  4. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    Fascinating story. But was it a welcoming smile, or an evil smile?
     
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