The day I've been dreading

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lampoonland, Nov 24, 2012.

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  1. lampoonland

    lampoonland Account Closed

    Well it's Saturday 24th November 2012,the day I feared above all others.I am now utterly alone.My soul remaining friend has moved away,and now there is nothing left for me here.40 years old with no friends.No partner.No family(well no family that gives a crap).No job.No prospects.No money.No hope.No life.
    I've failed.I'm ashamed to even tell you all just just what a loser I've become - the archetypal sad sap left on the shelf to rot.
    So be it.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Not being at the place you wanted to be at the time you wanted to be there does not make you a failure. If it did then 99% of the world are failures. You have more challenges then some, and they are not easy. Try to figure out which is more fixable at this exact time and put your efforts into fixing that one thing. As much as possible, forget the extra issues and work on them one at time. Where you are today is not nearly as important to your future as where you are 1 year or 5 years from now... concentrate on that. Do not be too proud to ask for help to get there, nobody can do everything by themselves.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    How far along on your plans for success are you? You say you dreaded this day, so I assume that you knew it was coming. Do you have a wellness plan that includes goals to fulfill those things you have listed as not having? Sometimes looking at your goal progress at given intervals can help you to adjust methods for achievement. I hope that you can find some adjustments to move forward with those objectives.
     
  4. lampoonland

    lampoonland Account Closed

    I am effectively a 40 year old man starting from zero again.I am no longer able to mix, integrate and socialize with people.I have no sense of where my BDD ends and I begin.I only know the person riddled this illness.
    I don't have the hope or optimism to start from scratch with no real foundation to build from.I am effectively a child in a man's body; I have missed out on so many of those 'key' or 'milestone' experiences that are considered a normal part of the development from childhood into adulthood,I have no sense of belonging.
    Therapy(conventional and otherwise) and medication haven't worked.I have no physical support network..I'm so lost now.
    I feel pathetic even typing this.
    The signs are all too apparent to me now that I somehow wasn't meant to be here,or that maybe my destiny is to take my life..If I had any respect,or shred of dignity,pride or love for myself,I should end this torment.
    I have been struggling this way all my life,I can't do it any more.
    Thank you for responding.
     
  5. momroe60

    momroe60 Member

    I am so sorry you feel this way. I too, am all alone. I too have days where I feel I can no longer go on. But I do. I struggle with it constantly, but I do it. For my child. My baby. She would be so brokenhearted without me, and I don't want to leave her like that.
    You and I are lonely. We struggle to not survive. But yet, here we are. On a forum for just such people like us.
    Please send me a private message, so that we can talk it out, together. That way, we won't feel so alone.
     
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