The Day So Far

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenPsych, Mar 28, 2011.

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  1. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    Is not going well.

    Dr T has put me on quetiapine. He said although you may get increased appetite it is not as bad as Mirtazapine.

    He didn't really give much constructive support in regards to uni. I said I was scared that if I have to stop things will become worse. He basically said to stop being so negative.

    I am so scared they are going to put me in hospital. He mentioned a mental health act assessment. I said I had had one already after the 136 and he said this would be different. He said there were concerns around me and that the self harm was out of hand. He then went on to say about that they may have to break confidentiality as I am too high risk.

    There is no way I can be honest about my feelings when they're throwing things like the possibility of hospital around. I can't tell them how I am feeling when there is a chance that they could make me go to hospital.

    I'm not happy about being put on quetapine. I'll give it a go but I'm worried it will zombify me.
  2. luka

    luka Active Member

    thats why we're here for, we wont be judgmental, we listen and udnerstand

    do not be sacred, you a strong and will do well in life.

    if in uni, u mean university, then go for it. stoping things might or might not maks things worse, the only way to know is to try it.
  3. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i hope the day gets better for you.

    good luck..
  4. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It did get better thanks.....

    Uni have said it's my decision if I want to carry on placement. As far as their concerned if I am doing well in placement that would indicate I am not letting my problems affect my work. I really didn't expect it.

    I told them that I had issues with depression and self harm that was ongoing but I didn't take problems to work with me. I enjoy what I am doing and I have been offered paid work once I finish placement. I didn't tell them I have tried to kill myself. I am worried that Sam is going to not be happy on that one as maybe I didn't give them the full story. I did say to the course leader that maybe one of the reasons I am so adamant on doing it is because I am scared what will happen if I stop. I said maybe that is clouding my judgement. She said it's a possibility but if I am doing well on placement then that should be my base.

    Yes. I still feel suicidal. But I have something still. That should keep me going. I am worried I am going to have to have another mental health act assessment. I feel I can't be honest about my feelings as the one thing that keeps me going could be taken away from me if I am. I did tell Dr T that the self harming had increased to nearly every day but I lied when he asked about other methods. No way was I telling him about the xxxxx They'd have me locked up straight away.

    I hope now that uni are aware and that they are ok that things will pick up for me. I am a bit concerned about being put on quetiapine and the effects it will have on me. I've started on a low dose of 50mg and he is putting it up to 100mg in a week and then up again.

    I'm going to make sure I only drink when I am out and then I will regulate what I have. I need to make sure I look after myself. Obs this wont make the suicidal thoughts go away but it will help me rationalise with myself and hopefully have some control over them.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2011
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm glad your day has gotten better..Why are you afraid of the hospital.?? Other than being boreing they aren't that bad.. Theres always someone to talk to if you need it..I'm sure your pdoc is just concerned about you..
  6. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Totally agree.. glad things with uni went well. Now put the above plan in action! x
  7. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I have worked in the psych hospitals in my city. So I would know people and it would be embarrassing. Also I wouldn't want everyone knowing. I don't want family knowing about my issues. I honestly feel if I were in hospital then things would become worse for me.

    I am so worried about it. I know if I told them everything going through my head and what I have been doing then I would be detained. I can't keep myself safe.
    I need to remember how much I care about the course and how coming so close to losing it made me realise how much I want to do it.

    I know the suicidal thoughts aren't just going to go away and I will have to find some way of dealing with them. But I am not sure how?
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