I've had my first attempt and failed. It was a pretty poor attempt. This time I'll make sure it's a success. I'm not one to give up easily but this has been wearing me down for too long this life. I don't like who I am and there is no chance of a family or wife coming into the picture. Nor a career. I have nothing left to live for. I'm doing it. It's a matter of where when and how. I can't go on how I am. there is no jobs out there for me. I just haven't got the required talent. I wanted to help others but Sorry. I never made it. my mother abuses me every day. I think this is the best thing in the long run. Every day is a drag. There is no way out of this rut. No-one cares anyway.