the devil inside

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by betteroffunknown, Dec 27, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i'm really not even sure where to begin. i guess i will start things off by admitting that i am an addict. i'm not proud of it. in fact it grieves me greatly. i'm not the typical "stoner" if you will. i do maintain a stable home and job. i don't make a heck of a lot of money, but what i do make i should certainly be able to make it through the month. i can't do this though.
    all throughout my life i have been able to turn bad situations into something good even if it's minute. i can't seem to do it this time. i am beginning to believe with all my heart that the only way i'm gonna get over this is through death. when i gave up drinkin ten years ago it was really really easy because i found a good enough reason not to do it anymore, but i can't come to the same conclusion with this and how badly i wish i could. i'm afraid of doing the rehab thing because i'm afraid it will effect the case i have in court right now. not even mentioning the disappointment within my family. i could live with that i think. the court thing i can't.
    i just don't know where to go from here. i know there are NA and AA meetings i could go to, but i've been in them before and they never helped unfortunately. i really do want so badly to be rid of this demon that's got me. i hate it with a terrible passion. it's going to be the death of me.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I don't really have any advice as I've never dealt with drugs or addiction, but I just wanted to let you know I read your thread and you're in my thoughts.

    PM me if you need anything.
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    thanks it's nice to know someone cares
  4. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    You're talking about marijuana right? Because as you probably know, pot isn't physically addictive, only psychologically. You sound to be psychologically addicted, but once you learn to break the habit you will be fine. I know what you are going through (if it is pot), I have been a smoker for 8 years now and in the recent years I have said I would quit, and chosen not to. I don't know what it is, I think I enjoy it to much. Even so, I still have my brain working intact, it may be a bit foggy but that's about all. I'm still intelligent and to a degree, normal. I've been through periods when I felt like I needed it to be normal, and periods when I couldn't care less if I had pot or not. Now I'm in between, but still trying to quit, as I don't want to go to court if I get caught with pot again. I think pot can help you psychologically, as it reduces stress, increases happiness (sometimes not even while under the influence) and calms the mind.

    If you think that you have a problem with it i.e addiction, not being happy without it, anxiety etc then you should quit, as it is doing more harm than good. It's relatively easy, just get rif of your paraphenelia, stop buying, and stick to the not buying plan. You'll want it for days, weeks, or months, but the desire will fade. You'll start thinking clearer, but you may feel more stressed or more depressed. The most encouraging thing to remember though is that possession is a crime, and you could be sent to jail over a few grams. Sure, you may never get caught, but it's a pretty hefty gamble. If you want to quit then quit, and stop making excuses. You are in control of this problem, and you can fix it.
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i wish i found this as easy to quit as i did pot. i stopped smoking pot gosh somewhere around ten years ago. no this is much different and if you haven't been down the road with this then i'm afraid you can't relate. for that i am thankful cause you don't need this screwing up your life like it has mine. the way i've come to figure that i will be the only way to get off of this stuff is by being dead. so unfortunately that's the route i must take. thanks for trying to help though. i really do appreciate it. take care
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.