The downfall has finally happened....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ~Tosh~, Jan 8, 2009.

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  1. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i knew this would happen... why does everything thats ggood have to come to a bitter end.... :cry2:

    in the last 2 days ive cut 3 times, and still not satisfied, and im now officially petrified of myself... im scared of what can happen... i cant stop cutting, i cant stop crying, i dont know what to do...

    i dont see my cpn until 21st jan, an i doubt they'll take me seriously like the last one.... and i dont feel the meds working yet... :unsure:

    i dont know what to do :cry2:

    someone help???? :cry:
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i guess noone understands.... its ok im getting used to this... :cry: i have no reason to be here anymore........

    why do i feel as tho noone cares.... i do my best to help others but when im in need i have noone, noone listens :cry2:
  3. me1

    me1 Well-Known Member

    :hug: Lexi. I am sorry no-one responded. Perhaps the people that know you well havent been online since you posted? :hug: PM me if you wanna talk. Take care. :hug:
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    lexi, you can get through this :hug: we are here for you.

    please stop cutting hun!

    im here if you need to talk x
  5. d-pressed

    d-pressed Well-Known Member


    What I suggested to another self-harming member is to get a punchbag. Allow a certain amount of time, say half an hour once or twice a day, to scream, cry and hit the bag. You may get a few bruises, but that's a step away from cutting. Let it all out, and when that half an hour is up, wash your face and go and do something else. This will start helping you manage and control your emotions and what you do as a result of them (which is hopefully to stop cutting). Writing out a schedule might be beneficial too.

    Take care:arms:
  6. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    :cry: ive tried other methods to stop cutting, but they dont work... and i always resort to it... im a mess... i feel like such a failure.... i cant cope... :cry2:
  7. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    I'm sorry you're feeling so shit, i doubt you're a failure, it's natural to feel that way and like you can't cope in this situation, if you've been strong enough to hold on before this and help others I'm sure you have the strength to do so again. If you wanna chat over msn or just on here pm me :hug:
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm here for you Tonie. I'm sorry that you're feeling so low today. But please don't give up. And please try to resist the urges to cut. That will only make things worse. :hug:
  9. mystereo2099

    mystereo2099 Well-Known Member

    I like to break shit when I feel down. Nothing too valuble - atleast I try not to. But something about destroying things (other than yourself) can be empowering. Meds? what're you on if you don't mind me asking... (you can pm me to be private if you don't want to post it.)
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi Tonie

    so sorry hun but i only just read your post
    please hun, don't cut anymore, although you feel it helps its just a temp thing and will do more damage in the long run.

    you are stronger than this, you know what it feels like when your happy as when you got engaged, dont give up hun, you can beat this

    thinking of you
  11. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    Im not strong tho, and you know im not! im weak, im a failure. i just cant cope.. i dont want to cope anymore... :cry: i dont think i can beat this.... instead, im ust going to isolate myself, so i cant hurt anyone... other than myself.... ive even got methods :cry2: im so sorry..... noone needs me around.. im safer alone
  12. d-pressed

    d-pressed Well-Known Member

    That is different from being able to cope. You have to have the will to relieve yourself of this pain, which in itself is painful, but in the long run will mean a better life free of self-harm and ability to express and understand yourself. You are not "too weak" to do this, you will find strength within yourself because being miserable for the rest of your life is simply not an option. You won't see it now, but you will move on from this dark period. What I suggested is a good start because you can start to discipline yourself and feel more empowered, and this is what mental health professionals also generally try to incorporate into their treatment plan for self-harmers.

    Make note of every step you make, even if it's small, something positive you've done that day, like, you've cooked something nice or managed to go out somewhere and so on. It may help to discuss it with a therapist too. Take advantage of all the support that's available.

    All the best.
  13. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    how can i move on.. ive relied on this for way too long.... its my addiction... :cry: im such a mess, ive cut more times today than i used to do in a single week!!
  14. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Lexi,i know you feel so bad,i sh myself,so i understand,and i understand how difficult it is to explain,why do you want to cut,please talk to us.
  15. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i like watching myself bleed, feeling the pain afterwards, makes me feel alive.. i dont enjoy doing it, i just need ot know i still feel :cry2: each time gets deeper, each time it becomes more... but my body isnt satisfied and i need to do it more..... :cry:
  16. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    got to disagree with you Tonie

    you are a strong woman, look inside yourself and that strength is there waiting for you.
    no matter what happens you will get thru this hun, trust me, and i speak for myself here but i need you to stay, your a great person and its a pleasure to know you.

    take care hun
  17. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    all i see is a failure! and i know i am.... i dont see why you need me to stay, noone here needs me around... like others have said 'im a broken record' and i dont see how its a pleasure to know me, im a bitch who deserves all the suffering and pain and torture she gets... ive got to the stage i want to isolate myself, so others arent hurt... i started blocking my msn contacts i just wanted to be alone.. sometimes i wonder if people out there actually know how i feel.. how ashamed i am of myself.. i dont know... im kinda fed up of trying to talk my way out of things like continuously cutting, but it doesnt work... i started a log to keep track of how i felt, when i cut... but in there seems have popped up a list of methods to end this pain and suffering i dont wanna live with any more :cry2:
  18. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i want you to stay because i see you as my friend, and if you want to keep on repeating things to me like a broken record then i dont mind, as long as i have the chance to turn you from this destructive course.
    i have alot of patience, it goes on and on and on and on and on and on, get the picture?
    no matter how you feel about yourself, i dont see it and i havent got anything to gain by trying to sweet talk you and such, so trust me in this.

    no matter what you will always have my support
  19. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    lexi i understand about cutting and the reasons why,but in the long run it dosent really help,i no thats easy to say,but we only get a short relief from the pain we feel inside.Talking helps,if theres no one there for you to talk to keep posting theres allways someone here to listen,try to resist if you can,im here.
  20. d-pressed

    d-pressed Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry but you must stop this and get help immediately or make some changes NOW. Posting here about how many times you have cut is not helping you. Ask yourself what you hope to achieve here. Sympathy and advice being given by other members is completely pointless unless you take it and find the strength inside you to get on with it. I am not just saying this for the hell of it or trying to make it sound easy. This is in your best interests, so chuck the feelings of guilt out the window as well as whatever you are using to hurt yourself, and actively seek help.

    Please tell us whenever you want some support in a situation when you feel like you may need to cut, and hopefully about your progress once you've sought help, but you cannot continue on like this - I hope other members here will agree.
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