The effects of being ignored

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by innocent soul dismembered, Dec 26, 2006.

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  1. To `celebrate` the fact it was christmas, and because I hadnt seen my father in a good while, I agreed to do something I usually have an aversion to, and went to the pub for a drink/meal. Eventually it was my turn to `get them in`so I went to the bar. I must have been stood about 5 minutes before anyone even noticed I was there, at which point some other guys pushed in front of me and got served just as the airhead barmaid came over (she obviously gave them preferential treatment because she was on first name terms with them and knew them well)
    Then some more youths arrived, got served straight away, and so it went on when it got to the point a good 10 people (men and women) had been served before me, despite the fact I had been stood there longer than any of them. This isnt the first time this has happened, and usually I`m too polite to say anything but this time something very strange happened. I barged my way to the front and just screamed at the top of my voice so that virtually the entire pub heard me. The whole crowd that had formed at the bar literally turned away and the head barman came over and served me immediately.

    That it took me that effort to get served, not because it was my turn, but because I screamed loud enough to get noticed, is one sad fucking sign of the times, especially in this country (England) where we are obsessed with queueing.
    I`m not a violent man, but I was so angry that I had to resort to literally yelling my head off to get heard I was about an inch away from physically lashing out.
    To add insult to injury, I later went to the bar, still high on adrenaline from the events that had occurred earlier, and was quickly scolded for jumping the queue!
    What the fuck? It`s ok for the bar staff to fucking IGNORE me and for hordes of thugs to literally climb on top of ME to get served but when I show any signs of aggression or initiative (which was necessary to get served quickly as I was stood on my own amidst a sea of chavs, thugs and sluts)
    I was made to feel like an arrogant bully.

    I don`t go to pubs much, but if this is the typical behaviour of the morons that work / socialise there I`ll be doing my utmost to avoid going again. It doesnt remotely surprise me so much violence occurs in these places, I didnt tell my father of what had occurred that night (don`t know if he heard me scream), if I had, he would have put it down to being my fault (everything`s my fault in his eyes....but that`s another story).
  2. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I am exactly like you. I have to yell and scream to get noticed. Everytime I go somewhere I get ignored. It just plain sucks. Everyone is equal so why do others think they are so superior. They ended up on earth the same way everyone else did.
  3. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    the issue i usually find with simply being patient and waiting to be served is that if you don't ask for some sort of attention/service (though yelling is an extreme form of doing so), you won't get any of what you're looking for/want/need/whatever.

    i think you did just fine for yourself by finally getting mad (i know i would have..probably around person number seven...) of course people are going to be mad when you jump lines. they're only looking out for their interests. you just decided to be aggressive and get the upper hand. go you. stepping out sometimes will get you yelled at and made for a jerk but i doubt anybody can say they haven't done the same at some point in time.

    ..and that's about all i have to say. be seeing you.
    - Henry
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    The best way to handle a situation like this is usually to say "excuse me, but I believe I was here first", or "Excuse me Ma'am, but I have been waiting here for quite some time".

    Having been a waitress, I know firsthand that it is a very busy and stressful job. If someone is just shrinking into the background without making eye-contact, speaking, etc., it is very easy not to notice them because of all the other things that are going on around you. It is not intentional, she was probably just overwhelmed in the busy holiday season and didn't notice you standing there, and if she did, the fact that you maybe weren't making eye contact or saying anything to her may have made her think you were just standing around. People stand around a lot in pubs.

    It was probably nothing personal.
  5. Thanks for the responses. I hope I didnt give the impression that I thought EVERYONE who works or spends their time in a pub is a moron, it`s just seems that nearly every time I`ve been into one I`ve encountered a startling lack of common sense and/or bad manners, both by the staff and punters.

    Like most right thinking people, I believe strongly in being served in a fair and orderly way, and for someone to get priority service simply because they are the loudest or most obnoxious, rather than because they are the most patient and deserving, fucking stinks and shows an incredible lack of professionalism on the part of the bar staff (there`s no excuse for not knowing who arrived at the bar first, unless you have the memory of a goldfish, in which case you arent qualified enough to be
    working in a pub in the first place).

    It is a brand of rudeness that has seemingly become so prevalent that noone really questions it anymore, but I daresay that if it occurred in a supermarket or post office for instance, people wouldnt accept this type of maltreatment quite so readily. I cannot imagine standing at the front of a queue of 20 people in Mcdonalds and the person at the end of the queue being served before anyone else. It wouldnt happen, not without a fuss, yet one is rarely made when the same shoddy treatment occurs in the pub. Another of life`s ridiculous double standards, and one I`m sure which is responsible for much of the frustration and resulting violence that happens in such places.
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