This thread is basically me wanting to die very badly and is working on a specific method, date and location for an event of suicide. I feel like I need to talk to someone first before doing it.
How typical, history repeats itself! It's exactly like when I decided to book a therapy session instead of committing to the suicidal schedule 2 years ago. What could have gone wrong?
It wasn't like people would condemn me for wanting to die, being introverted and isolated, being weak of a man, not thinking about everyone else's feelings and thoughts or neglecting my duty and responsibilities of a man living in this society.
It wasn't like I signed up for interrogation and humiliation, instead of therapy sessions, where my therapist asked me yes/no questions about my work and life without paying a damn attention to a freezing weak man of a patient in front of her.
It wasn't like I was showered with self-help contents, such as "Have a growth mindset, it's all in your head" or "You can choose happiness, so do it now". Well, I think I made up all of that.
It wasn't like I lied to save myself from all of the above, to pretend I'm normal and functional to this society, and to prove that I have not been hiding another suicidal or genocidal plan.
It wasn't like I have been feeling suicidal and lonely everyday.
This thread is my idea and opinion, how I say "help me" for the last time, I hope. I welcome practical advice and empathy, though I'm not sure how it's going to be helpful. In fact, I don't even know if want to reply to anyone in this thread nor put a like on other's posts as an appreciation like how I used to. It's over. It's the end. I'm tired.
I'm about to fix my own problem, permanently for the sake of others and mine. I'm not joking here, though - just being sarcastic for a bit of entertainment. If you are hurt from the lines above, why does that matter to me? I'm hurt, too, but I'm smiling... I guess.
Then again, everything is easier said than done. I better move on and do something this time. Damn it, I must forgive everyone and see God in person.
How typical, history repeats itself! It's exactly like when I decided to book a therapy session instead of committing to the suicidal schedule 2 years ago. What could have gone wrong?
It wasn't like people would condemn me for wanting to die, being introverted and isolated, being weak of a man, not thinking about everyone else's feelings and thoughts or neglecting my duty and responsibilities of a man living in this society.
It wasn't like I signed up for interrogation and humiliation, instead of therapy sessions, where my therapist asked me yes/no questions about my work and life without paying a damn attention to a freezing weak man of a patient in front of her.
It wasn't like I was showered with self-help contents, such as "Have a growth mindset, it's all in your head" or "You can choose happiness, so do it now". Well, I think I made up all of that.
It wasn't like I lied to save myself from all of the above, to pretend I'm normal and functional to this society, and to prove that I have not been hiding another suicidal or genocidal plan.
It wasn't like I have been feeling suicidal and lonely everyday.
This thread is my idea and opinion, how I say "help me" for the last time, I hope. I welcome practical advice and empathy, though I'm not sure how it's going to be helpful. In fact, I don't even know if want to reply to anyone in this thread nor put a like on other's posts as an appreciation like how I used to. It's over. It's the end. I'm tired.
I'm about to fix my own problem, permanently for the sake of others and mine. I'm not joking here, though - just being sarcastic for a bit of entertainment. If you are hurt from the lines above, why does that matter to me? I'm hurt, too, but I'm smiling... I guess.
Then again, everything is easier said than done. I better move on and do something this time. Damn it, I must forgive everyone and see God in person.