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The Emptiness of Living

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BitterandNumb, Oct 12, 2016.

  1. BitterandNumb

    BitterandNumb Member

    It is times like this, when I am adrift somewhere midway between the depths of depression and the fleeting highs of contentment, that I find myself pondering just what my life is meant to be, and my real reasons for continuing to bear the burdens of struggles of living. It is persistently difficult to determine.
    Am I alive for personal success? If that's the case, my dead-end job doing menial tasks seems like a real letdown in the grand scheme of my future. It's impossible to know for sure if I will ever find a better job for myself or not. Especially when I'm not even sure what a "better job" for me would even look like. My dreams have faded since my younger days, and without some sort of crucial catalyst to make a change, I fear my motivation may never get to a point where I could make those dreams a reality.
    Am I alive to make others happy? Like my family and friends, for example? Things look bleak in that aspect of my life as well. My relationship with most of my family is either distant, or worse, downright rocky at best. Will I always be nothing but a burden and disappointment to my mother? Will I ever move past my hatred for the members of my family that I am on such irreparably bad terms with? And as for friends... I have no one particularly close to me in my life anymore. All I have left are faded ghosts of people I once knew, keeping a passive contact with me through social media. I never go out with friends anymore, and I feel as though no one understands me on a very deep level. I fear I may always be alone unless something can change.
    Am I alive for love? In this cold and heartless world, is it the comforting warmth of another's love in a stable relationship that truly makes life worth living? I am inept at any aspect of dating or flirting, and pitifully lacking in even the simple ability to meet people and communicate with others. With such difficulty making friends, and such a lonesome and depressing personality, will I ever find the love I so desperately wish for? Or is my endless search doomed to be in vain?
    What is the purpose of living? What is my destiny? Will things truly "get better", or is that just a comforting lie people say to avoid the awkward truth of utter uncertainty? I truly do not know. I hope I can find the answer soon...
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I've come to the conclusion that I'm alive to share my big loving heart...to take care of my dogs and love them unconditionally. When I have more room, I will adopt even more abandoned dogs and love them too. I'm also alive to love my boyfriend, who honestly has little chance to be loved in this world because of his attitude firstly, his anger, Aspergers, ADD and depression issues. That's not to say people with mental illness can't be loved, but he basically gave up and has admitted that without me, he was ready to be a hermit/bachelor until he ended his life. I'm also here to respect and revere the beauty of Nature, and enjoy every moment I have living my simple quiet life. I have no grandiose visions of my life, I just want solitude, which does make me very content. It took me a long time to get to this point where I know that life isn't about materialism or (in my case) friends and family. It's about ME, my fur family, and my own experience here while it lasts. So I do everything and anything that makes ME happy and fulfilled. When I achieve this level of self-respect and self-love, then I'm able to see my life with more gratitude. I don't know what my "destiny" is either but I guess I don't particularly care. I try to live as much in the present as possible, avoid the past since I can't change it, and have achievable dreams for the future. Of course, nothing is perfect, but overall I can say I've figured things out for me personally.

    I can't speak for others, but yes, things DO get better. I am able to say that based on my own life experience. I hope you find your answers. xx
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Hi there Bitter. Sorry you are struggling so. I think we are on the wrong track when we look for some grand meaning of life. Life is a gift and we each do the best we can with it. Those jobs that have us doing menial tasks. Guess what? They are as important as those of a lawyer, doctor or president. They are jobs that must be done. The world would be a lesser place, perhaps even unlivable if people did not do these "menial" jobs. So don't be hard on yourself about that. Keeping working AND looking for something that would make you happier. Relationships? They really can be over rated. Read the posts on this site. You will find many people who are being torn apart by the relationships they are in. Goals and dreams. They change many times over a lifetime. I have come to realize that many of mine were unrealistic. I am much more content after having that realization. It seems we are pressured to find the perfect mate, the perfect job, the perfect home, the perfect everything. Well those things just don't exist. Nothing is really perfect. I find that I like helping people when I can. I do my menial job and return to my home where I live in solitude. And that home is where I am comfortable.
    Frances M likes this.